Discipline Is Destiny: The Power of Self-Control (The Stoic Virtues Series)

by Ryan Holiday

Rarely does a person who competes with his head as well as his body come out second. Pete Carril

When we rule ourselves, we have the responsibilities of sovereigns, not of subjects. Theodore Roosevelt

At the root of the word discipline is the Latin discipulus, or pupil. It implies the existence of a student but also a teacher. This is the beauty of the relationship between Antoninus and Marcus Aurelius. One man, who, despite his self-interest, had the self-control and the kindness to be a tutor and mentor. The other was willing to learn, humble enough to be the disciple of a teacher of such self-discipline and goodness that after his death, he would be deified.

That’s what great leaders do: They make people better. They help them become what they are.

The self-disciplined don’t berate. They don’t ask for anything. They just do their job. They don’t shame either . . . except perhaps subtly by their own actions. In their presence we feel called to step up, to step forward, to reach deeper because they have shown that is possible.

“Happy is the man who can make others better, not merely when he is in their company, but even when he is in their thoughts,”

“The nearer a man is to a calm mind,” he wrote of such moments of crisis, “the closer he is to strength.” A real man doesn’t give way to rage or panic, he reminded himself, willing himself to be like Antoninus. “Such a person has strength, courage and endurance,” he would say, “unlike the angry and complaining.”

A leader must be selfless, they must sacrifice, they must face the same deprivations as everyone else in the organization. If you can do this, Mattis learned from the writings of General Viscount Slim, “they will follow you to the end of the world.”

“The privilege of command is command,” Mattis once told a lieutenant he’d caught shirking. “You don’t get a bigger tent.” In fact, the best commanders take the smaller tent. They pass their extra provisions on to their troops. They don’t go easier on themselves, they go harder. Because they know that it’s not just about them anymore.

Being the “boss” is a job. Being a “leader” is something you earn. You get elevated to that plane by your self-discipline. By moments of sacrifice like this, when you take the hit or the responsibility on behalf of someone else.

Success does not free you from self-control, as we have said. It does not free you from hard work or consequences either. Now you will have to help others carry their loads too. And you will do this gladly, because when you accepted the rewards you also accepted the responsibility.

With a friend, we are able to remain calm. We are able to reassure. We give advice, not admonishments. This isn’t just a kindness, it’s also immensely helpful. We’re able to be a resource for them, we’re able to pull them out of the depths and get them back on the road to success and happiness. Now imagine what you’d be capable of if you could regularly provide that service to yourself.

A person who doesn’t know how to disengage, to cut their losses, or to extricate themselves is a vulnerable person. A person who does not know how to lose will still lose . . . only more painfully so.

Retreats, we must remember, are only temporary. They are buying us time until we can take the offensive and courageously attack again in pursuit of our victory.

Life is not fair. It is not kind. It demands from us not just a strength of body and mind but also of soul—what

Flexibility doesn’t mean we throw out what’s important, but it does mean understanding how to live and let live, how to rest comfortably in our traditions while allowing new and improved ones to be created. It also means, as the world changes and our position within it changes, adjusting, finding a way to be true to our principles that doesn’t condemn us to bitterness or needless failure or being on the outside of things.

Self-control must be observed physically. It must be embodied mentally. It must be rendered magisterially when our moment comes.

“Never be afraid of material. The material knows when you are frightened and will not help.” Self-discipline is pointless without courage, and, of course, the defining characteristic of courage is self-discipline—steeling yourself for what must be done.