The Forgetting

by Hannah Beckerman

‘So you lied to me. When we met, you told me you’d been single for over a year.

really hurt that after all I’ve confided in you, you still believed a pack of lies. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone before and I was disappointed that there are still ways you doubt me, even after all that.’

The lie slipped out effortlessly, as if it had been waiting in the wings, ready for its moment in the spotlight.

Livvy was too shocked to remove it. ‘I hate to say this, but a man never hurts a woman only once. There’s always a second time.’

What if Stephen had planned to leave me and it is only the aftermath of my accident that is forcing him to stay?

know you don’t want to hear this, but Dominic’s always had a habit of making up stories, ever since he was little. I just wish you’d let me explain—’

Stephen doesn’t want me to remember anything about my past. He is fully invested in my amnesia.

Livvy had asked him to take it easier on the roads, confessed that sometimes she found his driving unnerving.

Schubert, the Trout Quintet.

themes of classical music- maybe something nefarious is going on surrounding that?

would be nice if you could feign just a little bit of excitement.’

‘Don’t ever fucking tell me what to do.’ Dominic’s voice was flat, carefully enunciated, and Livvy was aware of holding her breath in her chest.

‘Why has everything got to be about Leo? Has it ever occurred to you that we’re a couple first and parents second? Our son doesn’t have to be the centre of our entire lives. But even now, even after everything that’s happened, that’s all you want to know.’

‘Why did you tell me he was dead?’ ‘You shouldn’t have put me on the spot like that.’

‘For weeks before your accident all you talked about was going back to work. As though some tinpot think tank was going to change the world. And yet now you want to play the part of the devoted mother.’

was the right thing to do. We need to focus on us, on our marriage, without any distractions.’

‘What were you planning to do? Hide me away forever? Carry on pretending that my parents are dead, that I have no other family?

should have known better. It’s always about you, isn’t it? Other people’s feelings just don’t matter. I used to think you were ungrateful, but now I think you’re just plain selfish.’

Love is about wanting the best for somebody, not imposing your will on them. It’s not about cutting them off from everything and everyone they care about. You don’t love me. You don’t know the meaning of the word.’ Stephen scowls. ‘You really don’t have a clue, do you—’ ‘No, you don’t have a clue. You’ve stolen my entire life from me. You’ve stolen my parents, my sister, my son, my home. You’ve stolen my identity, for god’s sake. And you call that love?’ ‘Stop being so melodramatic. I haven’t stolen anything from you. Let’s go home and we can talk things through when you’re less hysterical.’

‘You know you’re nothing without me, don’t you?’

‘Whatever I am without you, it’s got to be better than whatever you’re trying to turn me into.’

Each twisted preference designed to destabilise my sense of identity, to shape me into the wife he wanted me to be: compliant and isolated, uncertain and dependent.

woman who didn’t dare leave the house for too long in case I missed his calls: those regular daily interactions designed to keep me at home, entirely reliant on him.

when Imogen and John had urged him to seek professional help, he had cut them out of his life, accusing them of disloyalty.