If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe (John Dies at the End, #4)

by Jason Pargin

I reached for the first thing my hands could find: The door of the black cabinet next to the refrigerator. The one with the DO NOT OPEN sticker on it. I braced myself, then I yanked it open just as I heard Joy say, “No!” For a tense, silent moment, nothing happened. And then, the avalanche came. Out from the cabinet sprang hundreds of compressed, crumpled wads of plastic grocery store bags, years’ and years’ worth. John kept insisting he was going to recycle them someday, claiming you weren’t supposed to put them in the trash. The masked man was startled by the spray of bags falling and unspooling at his feet. He’d apparently never seen them before and was thus unsure of what the second stage of the assault would entail. It only took him a couple of seconds to realize there wasn’t one.