For the Love of Men: From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity

by Liz Plank

There is empathy for the violent white man, a desperate attempt to “understand” him or figure out where he went wrong,

The less marginalized you are, the more accepting society is of you breaking norms, because it doesn’t threaten an existing ruling system.

Having an identity that fits into the dominant culture protects you.

But if it’s unfathomable to blame a woman’s behavior on her hormones, why is it more fathomable to blame a man’s hormones for his?

If we believe that women can experience hormonal fluctuations and still exert the self-control not to let it run their lives, why don’t we think the same applies to men?

“Hi! Today, please meditate on how easily we accept women’s pain as collateral damage in men’s self-discovery,” read a viral tweet by writer and author Carmen Maria Machado.

It took me a while, but I came to realize the reason why this particular partner’s grand gestures bothered me was because they weren’t ways to draw attention to me; they were ways to draw attention to himself. It was a way to exert control inside the relationship and to impact how he was perceived by others.

This summed up the ultimate paradox of chivalry: If the act really was for me, why did he do something I specifically said I didn’t like?

Benevolent sexism is like misogyny with a wink.

MAKE YOUR PARTNER YOUR FAVORITE FRIEND, NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND

WHITE MEN TAKE MORE RISKS BECAUSE THEY CAN; MEN OF COLOR TAKE MORE RISKS BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO

When the world is not an equal-level playing field, neither is our relation to risk.

The web of abuse is complicated. You can understand the problem, be an expert in the problem and still become another statistic that you read about.