For the Love of Men: From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity

by Liz Plank

While we’ve spent a fair amount of time examining the negative effect of princesses and Barbies on the development of girls’ perception of themselves, we haven’t paused to question the consequences of the video games marketed to boys that have names like “Manhunt,” “Thrill Kill” and “Mortal Kombat.” We don’t blink twice when the NRA releases a free target-shooting video game (one month after the Newtown massacre, no less) and marks it as suitable for boys ages 4 and up. We indoctrinate boys and it starts early.

We often talk about how the princess trope teaches girls that they need to be docile, unambitious, unidimensional, rescued or controlled by men. But what did those same movies teach young boys? We act surprised when grown men don’t understand consent when the most iconic and popular stories send very mixed messages about it. Whether it’s Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, the takeaway is that you don’t need permission. Consent is assumed, not affirmed. In fact, not getting consent doesn’t make you the villain; it makes you the hero. The guy who does it doesn’t assault the girl; that’s how he saves her.

Modern chivalry is not about what you do; it’s about why you do it.

As Emily Dickinson put it, “My friends are my estate.” Your friends become the house you live in, so make sure you maintain it properly.