I Who Have Never Known Men

by Jacqueline Harpman

what were men for?’ I asked.

I want to know everything there is to know. Not because it’s any use, but purely for the pleasure of knowing,

because even though I’ve spent most of my life with them, I am well aware that I was always different.

I thought about it because I was in the habit of considering every angle of a question, and I’d never had any form of entertainment other than thinking.

I was perfectly aware that I had only added another question to all the others, but it was a new one, and, in the absurd world in which I lived, and still live, that was happiness.

I felt like sitting down on the ground and weeping, but, luckily, my anger was the stronger and drove me on.

This world was like a jigsaw puzzle, I only had a few pieces which didn’t fit together.

like poor old Raskolnikov.

The books helped me, even the ones on astronautics.