Stag

by Karen Russell

He wanted to make a grand gesture, to show her he was ‘tortoise-committed, not goldfish-committed.’

This line is hilarious. If you know how long tortoises live, then you know it is for a LONG time. I would definitely want a "tortoise-committed" relationship.

(When I mentioned this dissonance to Fern, she pointed out that I dissected frogs with children to teach them about conservation, parking my SUV on stolen land to collect my government paycheck.)

The irony!