Say You Swear (Boys of Avix, #1)

by Meagan Brandy

For the one who feared the fall but dared to jump anyway. This one is for you.

For years, I’ve dreamt of what college life could bring, and while some things changed, there was always one constant. It didn’t matter how wild I allowed my imagination to run, it always led me to the same place in the end. It led me to him. My future was clear, and he was it. Until suddenly ... he wasn’t. Now I’m a shell of who I was, on a path too blurry to follow, and I see no way out. No way up. They say first loves last forever. That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.

See, the day Chase and his family moved in across the street, I saw him first. It was as if an invisible stamp came down and pressed across his forehead, a big fat red label that screamed mine.

It’s the oldest cliché in the books to want who you can’t have. Unrequited love for your brother’s best friend, a brother who is insanely protective and, yeah, admittedly slightly psychotic when it comes to those he cares about. He can’t help it though. As soon as we were old enough to learn how my dad lost his baby sister, Mason made it his mission to shadow my every step. Combine that with the death of our friend Payton’s boyfriend a couple weeks ago, and he’s a pile of paranoia.

“Nothing, and I mean nothing, forces a man to face his feelings for a woman… than the interest of another man.”

“If I’m Romeo, then you’ve got to be Juliet!” “You know that was a tragic love story, right?” I shout, smiling all the same. “Epic.” He turns, walking backward. “It was an epic love story!”

“When the man above blessed us with wine, we indulged. It’s only fair his other masterpieces get the same treatment.”

Nothing forces a man to face his feelings for a woman more than the interest of another man. I’m not sure if that’s what’s happening here but bless you, Noah Riley, for your man knowledge. You might be the very reason I get everything I’ve ever wanted.

anything. We didn’t make promises; I didn’t ask him for more before I gave him everything, and that’s on me. I’ll bear the burden if it means I get to keep him in some way.

It’s hard when you realize you simply aren’t enough for someone, and it’s even harder when everyone you’re connected to is connected to that person as well.

“I never thought getting something you always wanted could be more painful than wanting but never having it. There really is no in-between.”

I want someone’s all. I want someone’s all and absolutely nothing less.

His eyes, they’re so unlike a shade of blue I’ve seen before. So mythical and bright, yet stormy, like what you’d expect the find on the god of the sea. A little lost and lonely maybe. A hint of wild. It’s intriguing, the color. Or maybe it’s the emotion I can read within them.

He kind of reminds me of home. And that… is kind of scary.

“I’m a smart man, Juliet,” he whispers, his gaze dropping to my lips. “Only a fool would let you go once they had you where they wanted you.”

A minute or two later, I look up, catching Mason’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He stares at me, looks to my seat belt, and then his attention goes back to the road ahead, his mouth curling into a small smile as he does. Something inside me settles right then, only I’m not so sure what it is.

He’s warm and solid and smells like… Noah. Like fresh cotton and clean sheets. Like the winter’s breeze and pine, a hint of mint mixed in.

“You know, for a girl who spent so much time hoping for a guy to open his eyes… you might want to open yours this time.”

I know what she’s saying, and I think she’s right, but… What if she isn’t? What if Noah cares for me like Chase does? A lot, but not the same? Not enough? I’m not so sure I could handle another let down. Something tells me I couldn’t. Especially from Noah.

“In case you haven’t figured it out yet, there isn’t a thing about you I don’t like. Nothing.” “...but.” “But a loss as big as you might be too much for me.” His voice drops to a whisper. “So I can’t do what you’re asking me… not yet.”

“For the record, that about killed me, and it was a one-time thing that will never replay itself.” His lips pull into a one-sided grin. “So next time you ask, be sure because I won’t deny you again.” “Say you swear.”

I don’t want you to stay here because I’m thinking you came here for me tonight, and if I’m completely honest with you right now, I don’t want to share you with the person who I’m damn sure has just realized that. So, if you came for me, come with me.” He pauses, but only for a second. “Because I was on my way to you just the same.”

“My family means everything to me. I want to be everything my mom is. Strong and independent in my own way, a solid example, but human in my mistakes. I want to be proud and encouraging, accepting but firm, even when it hurts. Even when it’s hard. I want to make chicken and dumplings when my daughter feels like her world’s falling apart like teens think, and I want to bake cupcakes with stupid sweet frosting when my son’s too hard on himself for a bad grade or dropped pass.” I laugh, lowering my head. “Clearly, I have some work to do to get there, but… ”

“No, sweet girl.” She blinks away tears. “Thank you for breathing life back into my boy. It’s been a long time since I’ve witnessed all his shades of blue, but every visit lately, I’ve been gifted with a little more.”

I realize then how wrong I was before when he said his Sundays were booked, as did his beautiful blonde friend. It had nothing to do with her and everything to do with his mom, but he says his Sundays are fully booked, and his mom was exhausted after a two-hour visit. That means he leaves here every week and does the only thing he thinks he can. He goes home, alone, because after a few hours with the woman who gave him the world but can’t quite function on her own anymore, a feeling of helplessness he can’t escape weighs him down.

He needs me to lead the way. To the farm… and more.

“That’s the second time security has chased us out of somewhere,” he teases, speaking in the gentlest of tones. “What am I going to do with you?” I press my mouth to his, whispering with a smile, “Whatever you want.”

My entire body breaks out in a cool chill, an airy sensation working its way through me. I wave, but I don’t hit end, somehow knowing he won’t either, and he doesn’t. I pull my covers up to my chin, tucking my hands under my pillow, and his head falls against the glass. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

I make my way to her, slow and deliberate. I want her to feel me coming. I want her body to heat all over in anticipation. I know it will.

She’s all I see. My Juliet.

I don’t have that twist in my gut that’s warning me away as if afraid he’ll push me away. He would never. Looking at him, into his blue eyes, my mind isn’t muddled. It’s calling his name.

I let the blaze grow bolder, brighter. I let the heat take over until it’s nothing but a ball of fire. And in one quick breath, blow it out. He’s too far for me to hear his chuckle, but I know it’s there. He winks, and this time, I feel it in my soul.

Noah isn’t all the things the boys are for me. He’s somehow… more.

I give her what she wants. I’m pretty sure I always will.

Watching her dance around in the seat beside me, smiling wide as she picks pieces of the bun off her burger, eating it like a bird as always, it’s as if everything clicks. Right here and now. I love her. I love everything about her. I love the way her facial expressions transform with the words she sings, feeling all the emotions to every song. The way she dips her head and pinches her lips tight when she gets shy on me. I love that she is shy, even now, and I love how that, in a twist, she isn’t. She’s brazen and bold when it’s just the two of us behind closed doors. She’s open and authentic, loves to share pieces of her life, and asks about mine, not to keep a conversation going, but because she truly wants to know. I love the smile that curves her lips when she sees me. It’s the same one every time, big and bright, as if I show up to surprise her when she knew I was coming all along. I love how she is with my mom, patient and kind, but not in the way of pity, but pride. Like she knows what a good woman she is, like she understands all my mom means to me, and in turn, she means something to her too.

I’m in love with her, and if I’m right, which I hope to hell I am, she’s on her way to loving me right back. If she could, I’d need nothing else. Just her.

Memories don’t die when the possibilities do. They morph into pain. Pain you have to decide to feed or fight. I chose fight. And I won. I have no idea what to say to him, so I say nothing at all.

“Say you swear.” My chuckle is more of a cry, and I smash my lips to his, my emotions whirling. He kisses me back, the sweep of his tongue against mine serving as a promise. An unspoken whisper, from his heart to mine. A whisper I’m ready to answer with one of my own. “I swear.”

I can hardly breathe. I have to find Noah. I want to talk to him. I need to tell him I know what I want. That it’s him. I need to tell him that I love him.

I hear them as they shout my name, but I don’t stop. I keep moving. Away from the hospital. Away from the place my unborn child died. Away from the man who hid it from me. Away from the bastard in love with my girl. And away from the girl I love… who has no idea she loves me back.

want to blackout. To shut down fully and completely because if my girl doesn’t remember us, I don’t want to remember anything. Not even my own fucking name. For the first time in my life, I wish I were someone else. I wish I were him.

I don’t mean to, but I can’t help but wonder if she’ll chase me down the sand as she chased him. When twenty minutes go by, I accept the answer for what it is. Fucking painful.

I love you, baby. Every part of you. I love the way you link life to lyrics, how you smile at the moon and love like the ocean, far and wide, and without apology. I love how selfless you are, how honest and kind, even though life hasn’t been so kind to you lately. I love how you try to be brave for your family because you don’t want them to hurt, even when doing so hurts you a little. I love you so much I want to come home to you, wake beside you, and spend a lifetime worshiping you. I want the house you spoke of and the family in your dreams. I don’t only want to be the man you need, but the one you want. The one you can’t live without. I want to love you for a lifetime, and even more after that. But most of all, I just want the chance to make you mine again. Because I’m yours. Always.

If I’m Romeo and she’s Juliet, maybe this is the fate I put on us that very first day. Love forbidden, but in our story, we’re forbidden by fate.

“Please… say you’re mine.” I nod rapidly, my hands gliding along his face. “Always. Forever.” A harsh breath pushes past his lips, and he shakes. “Say it.” My eyes pop open, locking with his as I grip and hold him still, whispering, “I swear.” Noah doesn’t hesitate. His mouth crushes mine. His kiss is hard and deep. It’s devastating and awakening. It’s claiming. His kiss is a promise from his soul to mine that no matter what happens, this is home. He is home.

“Marry me, Juliet. We can wait until you’re done with school, or we can drive to a chapel right now. I don’t care. Marry me.” I’m nodding before he’s even done speaking, my lips smashing with his as I pull him as close as I can get him, and it’s not close enough. It will never be close enough. But forever is a damn good start. “You will?” he rasps. “Of course I will.” His palms shake as he grips my cheeks, his eyes piercing mine. “Say you swear?” Placing my palm over his tattoo, I recite its meaning. “Fear not the fall, but the life that comes from having never leaped at all.” I smile through my tears. “I’ll always leap if the jump leads me to you, Noah Riley. Always.” “And forever.” “I swear.” He kisses me, and I get lost in the man before me. My Romeo. My fiancé. My everything.