Fair Catch

by Kandi Steiner

“The last thing I need is another team joking about you being my protective older brother.” “They’re not saying that.” I arched a brow with pursed lips. “They’re saying I’m your protective boyfriend.”

It wasn’t like he didn’t have his moments of grief, especially when he first moved back home and had to acclimate to his new life. He got angry. He threw shit and cried and screamed at me, at himself, at God and the universe, too. But he always leveled out, always came back to what he grasped onto more than anything: gratitude.

Because I knew had it been me in that chair, I would have given up. I wouldn’t be here. And that was just one example of how he was a better man than I would ever be.

I didn’t care if she hated me. In fact, I was glad she did. It made it easier to keep my focus on protecting her and off the temptation to claim her for my own.

I used to be that person for her, me and Gavin both, and though she hated me now — and for good reason — I was the only person she knew on the team.

“He already informed me you wouldn’t be happy with the assignment, but he’s the only one who agreed. And for the sake of not starting your season off by rooming with someone who was forced to be your roommate, someone who’s looking to have an issue with you? I suggest you accept and we move on.”

“Bullshit. I mean, I don’t doubt that she’s serious about the promise she made you, but it’s more than that. She loves it, Gav. I’ve seen her eyes when she’s on the field, seen how determined and passionate she is. She looks like… like…” He looked at me. “Like you.”

What would it be like to have all that talent, all that drive, and know my chances of playing after college were close to zero percent?

“We’re going to be best friends by the end of this season,” he said, hanging his elbow on my shoulder. “Just wait.”

But the more players I passed, the more those stares became smiles, and nods, and even a few mumbled affirmations that I couldn’t quite make out. Once I had my food and sat down at one of the tables in the cafeteria, I recognized it. Respect.

No one praised me. No one called attention to my kick. But there was an unspoken alliance there, like I was finally part of the team. It felt like more of a victory than the kick itself.

I caught her in surprise, but that surprise was replaced by an unfamiliar wave of heat once I realized she was pressed against me. Her arms were still slick from practice where they wrapped around my neck, and mine slipped around her waist like they belonged there. She buried her head in my neck, squeezing tight, and the scent of her shampoo rushed over me. “I made it!” she whispered, still holding tight.

“See you at home, sweetheart,” I cooed. Then, I bent in and kissed her cheek, running away before she could swat me as I passed.

“You know what you’re going to do, Zeke? You’re going to make it to the places other people only dream about. You’re going to play varsity football in high school. You’re going to get a scholarship to a D-1 college. And one day, you’re going to be picked in the first round of the NFL draft.

“Turn off your own voice saying you don’t belong here.” His eyes flicked to Riley then, and I noted how her throat ebbed with a thick swallow.

I swept in and picked Riley up onto my shoulders. “Whoa!” She yelped, hands flying up in surprise before they gripped my head tight to catch her balance. I waited for her to smack me and tell me to put her down, but surprisingly, she let me carry her all the way back into the tunnel before protesting that I drop her.

“That was…” “Overwhelming?” I asked. “Yes,” she agreed, but then her lips spread into a satisfied smile. “And incredible.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I fucking love football. It’s everything to me. But I think that’s just it,” I said, finally meeting Riley’s gaze. “It’s everything to me. You’re right. I’m not smart. I don’t have any idea what I’ll do if the NFL doesn’t pan out. This is it for me, Novo.” I held out my hands. “Football is all I have. And most of the time, I love that. But sometimes,” I confessed. “It scares the ever living shit out of me.”

“I took Riley to get ice cream, but… I don’t know, man. Something’s off with her. I know she blames herself for the loss, but it feels heavier than that.”

“I’ve got to perform better this game.” “Let’s rephrase that.” I frowned, facing him again. “How about… ‘I’m going to give every kick my full attention this game.’”

“You’re really not going to make him pay for that shit?” I laughed. “I think him losing was payment enough for me.” I shrugged. “Besides… it wasn’t about some dare for me. It was about respect.”

I’d never felt my heart beat like that before, never felt that… possessive.

“When did you realize you wanted her?” I released a long breath from my chest. “Honestly? I think I’ve always known. Somewhere deep down, maybe ever since we were freshmen in high school. I could tell she had a crush on me, too. But then everything happened, and this wedge was driven between us, and I couldn’t even think about anything past my promise to her brother.” Clay arched a brow. “That I’d protect her.”

“I just… I don’t see a scenario where she ever would. Where she ever could.” “Then you’re fucking blind,” Clay said with a laugh. “Man, if you don’t see the way that girl looks at you, the way she reacts when you so much as breathe in her vicinity, let alone touch her?” He shook his head. “Then you’ve got bigger problems.”

Without rhyme or reason or a single prayer that I could stop myself, I closed the space between us with three long strides, launching myself into his arms. And he caught me with another kiss that stole any argument left hanging on.

“I think I kind of love when you hate me,” I teased, arching a brow. Riley laughed, leaning forward and kissing me hard.

There was no way to avoid the cold, hard truth of it all. I was addicted. And like any addict will tell you, it didn’t matter that I knew in the back of my mind that we were playing with fire. It didn’t matter that one day it all would have to end, that one day I’d have to go through withdrawals and peel myself off the floor. Right now, I had her. And though she told me she couldn’t give me more, I pretended like this would always be enough.

“I do forgive you,” I whispered, and that stilled him, too — his hands holding my waist steady as he pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I forgive you. I believe you.” I rolled against him again, making his eyelids flutter. “And I trust you.”

“There are no words for how crucial those kicks were, and how crucial Novo is to this team,” I said, somehow managing to tear my eyes off Riley and meet the stare of the reporter. “We wouldn’t have made it this far without her.” “And you two went to high school together, right? Childhood friends? What does it mean to play on the same team together?” I swallowed down another lurch of my heart. “It means everything,” I answered honestly.

“I don’t want casual,” he continued. “I don’t want to pretend that I’m not yours in every way there is to belong to someone, that I don’t yearn for you to be mine in the same way. I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to keep having my heart fucking demolished at the thought of this all ending at any minute.”

“I want more, Riley. And I understand if you can’t give it to me, but I can’t…” He stopped, licking his lips with another shot of pain rolling through him, his brow furrowing against mine. “I can’t stay in this in-between anymore. So if you don’t feel the same, I understand. I can…” He swallowed again. “I can walk away now if that’s what you need. But if you want me, too… if even a small part of you feels like—” “I do.” The words were a breath, a longing, heartbreaking sigh that made Zeke lift his head so he could look me in the eyes. “You… do?”

We wanted to be together. And in the deepest part of my soul, I truly felt that was enough, that we could make it, that we’d find a way to make it work with the team and with Gavin and with anything else that came our way. In my mind, nothing could stop us now.

I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter if I intended to hurt her — the simple fact was that I had. And maybe that was what I was a fool for most, believing that intention had a goddamn thing to do with anything at all. I broke her trust. I betrayed her. And the truth of the matter was simple. I’d blown my second chance. I knew without asking that I wouldn’t get a third.

“What happened between you two?” I stiffened at his words. “You know what happened. He plagiarized my—” “There’s more to it than that, Riley, and to be frank, it really pisses me off that you think I’m dumb enough to not know better.”

Riley was right about me. It was a sucker punch to the gut any time I thought of it, any time I closed my eyes and saw hers blurred with tears as she told me how I was nothing but selfish, how I would never change.

“You don’t need to be good at school, son. You just need to get by until your real career starts. Maybe you could change majors, find one a little more… well-suited.”

For some sadistic reason I couldn’t explain, it felt good to lie down, to roll over and concede to the fact that everyone was right about me. I’m not smart. I’m not a good friend. I’m not good at anything. Except football.

“You don’t understand.” “No. I think it’s you who doesn’t understand. My sister has been in love with you since we were kids, you idiot,” he said, and his smile was an amused one when I snapped my head and pinned him with my confusion.

“You are good, Zeke. Talented. Special.” He tapped the desk with his knuckles until I met his eyes. “But you could be great. You could be so much more than you even realize. You just have to show up.”

“I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. And I don’t expect to ever have the chance to hold your heart in my hands again. But I need you to know this,” I said, stepping toward her. “You hold mine. You own mine. For now, forever, regardless of what happens next. And even if you hate me for the rest of your life, I need you to know that I love you.” All the pain in her expression released, replaced by wide eyes of shock. “And I believe in you,” I continued. “So… if I have to lose you, I’m prepared to do it. But I at least needed you to know that.”

His words that day had haunted me every second since they left his lips. Everything he said was sincere, that I knew just from how he suffered getting them out.

“I damn near crashed the car myself. And Zeke stepped up because he figured out of the two of us, he was the most sober.” Gavin’s nose flared. “It was a stop sign hidden behind a low-hanging tree, Riley. Even in broad daylight, it’s hard to see. Car accidents can happen to anyone, at any time, regardless of intoxication. Zeke didn’t even have enough booze in his system to blow above the legal limit. Did you ever think of that? He’d have been in jail or juvie, at best, if he had, would have had to pay off a D.U.I. in more ways than one.” I sobered at that, a thought I hadn’t even considered — likely because I’d been so caught up in what had happened to Gavin that I couldn’t think straight. I never stopped to sift through the details of everything, to think about the intersection and how it was known for being dangerous.

“You can forgive. Forgive, and understand that we’re human. We’re not perfect. And one day when you make a mistake, you’ll want someone to afford you the same grace.”

And Gavin was right. Us, me and him, our parents — we’d been like a safe haven to Zeke ever since we met him. Not that his parents weren’t amazing, because they were. But when he needed a break from the pressure, when he needed someone to love him exactly as he was. He came to us.

“One more promise,” he said, wiggling the digit. “That you will do whatever makes you happy from this moment on. Regardless of what you think you should do, or what you think other people think you should do.” He paused. “You’ve given a lot to the people you love. Let us return the favor.”

Gavin sat on the end of the row next to all of them, the wheels of his chair just visible in the aisle. His eyes caught mine, and he gave me a subtle nod, the twinkle in his eyes silently urging me. Go for it. I swallowed, reaching into the pocket of my NBU jacket, fingers curling around what waited there.

“Somebody who betters you,” I started. “Somebody who inspires and encourages you in love and in life, who pushes you toward dreams and goals you’d otherwise ignore, who selflessly sacrifices their time to help you become a more courageous, well rounded and happy human being. That’s sacred,” I said, swallowing before I finished. “You hold on to a love like that.”

“But I can promise you that I will show up for you, every day, and work to be a better person for you. To be the person you see in me that I can’t just yet.” Coach yelled for Riley to get back on the field, but I held her for a moment longer. “I love you,” I mouthed, careful not to say it in case anyone should overhear. But I said the next part out loud. “And I believe in you. You can do this.” I squeezed her hand before letting it go, but not before repeating, “You can do this.”

When we both turned our attention back to Coach, he was watching us with his brows in his hairline, his eyes dropping to where Riley gripped me and back up to our faces before he shook his head with a knowing smile and addressed the team.

“Every single one of you deserves this,” he said, holding it up high. “But I think we can all agree on who deserves it most.” Slowly, one by one, every pair of eyes turned to stare directly at Riley.