Malum Discordiae (Tennebrose, #1)

by Ashlyn Drewek

“You just got home! And instead of spending time with yours truly, you go straight for the skulls. Typical. Do I even want to know what you’re looking for?”

“Remind me again why you insisted on dragging me to this party? Arden is there and clearly anxious for your arrival, along with God knows whoever else has been blowing up your phone, so you don’t exactly need me.” “Because, Cassius Corbin, you pain in my ass, it is tradition.”

The moment I lifted my gaze to his I was struck dumb. A pair of mismatched eyes stared back, a crystalline blue and a fern green, framed by long, dark lashes. Obviously I knew people could have two different colored eyes, but I had never witnessed it in person before. Simply put, they were the most striking thing I’d ever seen, set in one of the most attractive faces I’d ever seen — male or female.

“I’d watch your fucking mouth if I were you.” “Why? You didn’t mind it last week.”

“You’re either dumber than I previously thought or you must have a death wish.” “For a Necromancer, you sure are a fucking coward,” Graeme said behind me. “You won’t even turn around and talk to me like a man.” My spine straightened, tension rippling down the bones and spreading through the rest of my body. “What are you going to do? Blow me again?” “Fuck you!” I pivoted on my heel, facing him with a dark smile. “Don’t be so sensitive. I was talking about your pathetic little puff of wind from earlier.”

My smirk spread into a full-fledged smile. The only answer I gave him was laughter, like the villain he wanted me to be.

This was one of my worst decisions ever. Right behind giving my mortal enemy a blowjob.

“Because last night you apparently risked your life going over there to get answers for me. And while I watched you sleep, wondering if you were going to wake up again, I didn’t see a fucking monster, Cash. I saw you

“If it means you’ll leave, then fine. Now go.” “One more thing.” My molars ground together, suppressing the urge to throttle him. “What?” He leaned up and grabbed me by the back of the head, yanking me close. As soon as I realized what he was doing, he pressed his lips to mine. A rush of warmth swept through me, along with a thousand more tingling sensations.

I stayed in that position, trying to remember what planet I was on, and that my lungs actually needed oxygen. It was Cassius’s self-satisfied chuckling that finally forced me to look up as he got to his feet again. “Pick up the books,” he said, grabbing my chin and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. “And meet me at the table.” And there I stood — dick out, pants undone, chest heaving, watching the boy of my dreams step over the pile of books and turn the corner like he didn’t just come in and wreck my fucking world.

I want to stay here. With you.” “Two seconds ago you accused me of setting your friend on fire.” “I didn’t mean it.” “You mean your dick didn’t mean it. Your brain certainly did.” “My brain is confused. All I know is that you are all I can think about these days. You’re driving me crazy, Cash. It’s like nothing in the world makes sense until you come around, then everything feels… right.”

“So what are you afraid of?” His gaze burned into mine, so much that I swore he was using lightning against me. Tiny sparks danced over my skin as he ran his hands up my abs, around my ribs, and up my back. “You.” A slow smile spread over my lips as he pulled me closer. “Good.” “Why do you say that?” “Because you terrify me.”

Maybe the whole conversion thing would help. It was a commitment ceremony, after all. Maybe finally pledging myself to the Congregation would help with whatever the hell my problem was. It didn’t mean I wanted to be Deacon. At all. But I needed to do something to get a grip on my powers if I ever wanted to be with Cassius again. Fuck! Why did everything always circle back to Cash lately? Everything! School, Cassius. Witchy shit, Cassius. What goddamn shirt to wear, Cassius! No matter what the first thought was, he was like an automatic follow-up, wondering how the first thought would impact him. Sadly, I had as much insight into that as I did about my own magic.

To my surprise, Cassius was there. He was the only one there since most everyone preferred the cushioned pews downstairs as opposed to the old, narrow benches in the gallery. He sat up straighter, his gaze fixed on the people down below, as I edged onto the bench next to him. Mindful to stay far enough away to not be that obvious, I still stretched my arm out and laid my hand on the bench between us. A second later, his warm fingers covered mine.

“Don’t you want to see Cassius when he wakes?” I couldn’t help but wince. “I don’t think Cassius wants to see me. Ever.” “I know he doesn’t have much reason to show it, but my son has a big heart. Trust me. He’ll want to see you.” “Did you use his blood too?” The corner of Caius’s mouth lifted in another smile, this one a little brighter than before. “I didn’t have to. I’m his father. I’ve known about you since he blundered through a story about why he had your phone after the equinox.” “Oh.” I felt a flush creep across my cheeks and looked away. “Not to mention the trampled vines on the lattice outside his window,” Caius added, arching a dark brow.

I made my way to Cassius’s bed quietly. I kicked off my shoes before climbing into it. “Cash?” I slipped my hand beneath the sheets, looking for his. It was warm when my fingers curled around it. He squeezed mine in return, instinctively it seemed, since he didn’t open his eyes. I nestled down in the pillow next to him, watching him sleep. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t care if you spend the rest of your life hating me. I’ll never stop apologizing for everything I’ve done.”

“Wars have been fought for less,” Dad replied. “If love is the cause of this one, then come what may.” “Love?!” A look of pure horror washed over Claudia’s face as she turned from Dad to us, apparently seeing us in a new, disgusting light. I was just as shocked by Dad’s statement. Looking down at our hands, my gaze traveled up Graeme’s arm to his face. From the faint pink in his cheeks and the way he glanced down before looking up again, I knew it was true. He loved me. He fucking loved me. I didn’t know how. Frankly, I didn’t know why. But he did. The inevitable question was — did I love him? Underneath all of the hate and anger and stupid lust, was there something else? Was it love that made my blood come alive? Love that made the knot in my chest loosen whenever he was around? I had no fucking clue. I’d never loved anyone before. Not like that.

What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I did. I wanted to keep him safe from Claudia, from demons, from whatever else might be trying to kill him on any given day. But I wanted to beat the hell out of him. He took my already complicated life and made it a thousand times worse. Just like a Hewitt to take and take and take and never give anything back. He’d taken my time, my energy, my focus, and what was I left with? Pain. Death. Confusion. A veritable mess of emotions.

“Do you hate me, Cassius?” It seemed like just yesterday he’d asked me that question on the balcony. A lifetime had passed since then, for both of us. “You know I don’t.” The sheets rustled a moment before he pressed himself against me, propping his chin on my shoulder. “That’s better than what you said last time.”

“What are you doing?” I asked. “What does it look like?” Holding my cock steady, he eased himself down onto it with a series of gasps and groans. “Oh, fuck. Graeme.” I bit my lip, gripping his waist. It was just as amazing as before. Maybe more so with the help of gravity, ensuring he sank all the way down. “I thought you didn’t ride?” “Horses, you idiot.” He swiveled his hips once before rocking them in a smooth, steady pace.

“You’re ok, right?” he panted, swallowing hard. “Yeah.” “No lightning?” I rolled my head back and forth in the negative, too exhausted to say more. “Oh thank God. I felt this… buzzing and I was afraid it was happening again but I couldn’t stop.” “I felt it too. But it was different this time. Maybe because you expelled so much energy earlier.” “Does this mean we have to fight off a demon every time we want to have sex?”

“I’m scared. Between the conversion and a fucking demon after me… I just—” I captured his face between my hands and pressed my lips against his, as much to comfort him as it was to shut him up. Talking about anything heavy was going to ruin our happy little moment and after everything lately, I didn’t think it would have been good for either one of us. He let out a shaky breath, the corner of his mouth ticking up. “What was that for?” “Because I think I love you too.”

He gave me the dopiest smile ever and dragged a knuckle under his eye to wipe away a non-existent tear. “Those are the nicest seven words you’ve ever said to me.” “And I already regret them,” I replied with a biting smile.

Maybe it would have been easier if the demon killed me. At least then I wouldn’t be in this weird in-between stage with Cassius. He knew I loved him. With the way Cassius looked at me after his dad said it, there’s no way in hell he didn’t know. I mean, I didn’t say the words (thanks a lot Mr. Corbin — Dr. Corbin?), but I didn’t deny it either. So I guess I couldn’t blame Cassius for not, exactly, saying the words either. I think I love you. It was still better than the alternative, which was him screaming how much he hated me all the time.

“What’s wrong?” “The crypt,” was all he said as we barreled down the path. Oh, goodie. Just where I wanted to go.

The hot, humiliating sense of failure crashed down on me. Squeezing my eyes shut, tears spilled down my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I tried.” Cawing loudly, the crow on my arm jabbed her mate again with her beak. “Holy shit,” Graeme breathed, damn near breaking my arm by squeezing it so tight. My eyes flew open. Blinking away the tears, I watched both of the male’s feet stretch and curl, like he was waking up from a heavy slumber. The thumping exploded inside my head, turning to a steady drumming and picking up speed. I turned the bird over onto his feet, still cradling him. Light shone in his black eyes and his feathers ruffled, shaking off droplets of water. That’s when I realized I was still crying like an idiot, dripping tears all over him. The female darted forward, preening beneath his chin and along his throat. The male tipped his head back, cooing at her. “You fucking did it,” Graeme said.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Graeme repeated as he caught up to me. Lacing his fingers through mine, he matched each of my strides with his own. “How could I be? You’re the most out-of-this-world, intense person I’ve ever met in my entire life. You’re smart and passionate and have the most amazing ass I’ve ever seen.” “Wow. You know how to make a guy feel special.” “And that!” he said, pulling me to a stop again. “That snarky, deadpan delivery. You’re a complete package. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of you. I would shout it from every rooftop in Winslow if you wanted me to. I just… you’re the first thing in my life they haven’t controlled. You’re mine,” he sighed, shifting closer and resting his forehead against mine. “To hold hands with, to kiss, to… be myself around. I’m afraid once they know about you, about us, I won’t have that anymore. We’ll be under a fucking microscope and I don’t want that for either of us.”

“Give it up already, Graeme. This was—” “Stop.” “—never going—” “I love you!” “—to work!” Ignoring him and his never-ending negativity, I took his face between my hands and forced him to look at me. “I love you,” I repeated, enunciating each word. “I don’t know why. I don’t know how. All I know is how I feel when I’m with you and the thought of you leaving? You might as well rip my heart out and take it with you, because you’re it for me, Cassius. I know it, just like I know when the leaves will drop or when the first snowfall comes. I fucking know it. And I know you feel it too. On some level.”

“Are we going to go kill a demon now?” I asked, pulling back so I could meet his gaze. “If we’re lucky.” “Good.” “Why is that good?” “Because that means we can have sex again.”

For a moment, I was tempted to tell him something dark and twisted — the truth. With this Book, I could do every horrible thing people accused Necromancers of. The knowledge that had been kept from us for centuries was all right here. We were no longer hobbled with only half of the information. Now, I could destroy this town and everyone in it. All I had to do was utter the right words, send the right demon, and Winslow would be no more. But I didn’t. Because I wouldn’t do those things. Since meeting Graeme, all I’d done was defend myself and my family against insults and accusations. I tried to show him we weren’t the monsters they made us out to be. And even though I had the Book and the means of taking revenge on behalf of my mother, of Lennox, of all the Corbins who had been slaughtered through the centuries by fear and bigotry, I wouldn’t. Because then I’d be the thing they hated and my dad taught me to be better, to not let my anger consume me no matter how brightly the flame burned.

I exited the tub knowing three things. One, it was safe to assume someone wanted one or both of us dead. Two, I was scared shitless to actually make my conversion knowing it was entirely possible to die during the middle of it. And three, no matter how fucked up it was, I was one-hundred percent in love with the boy in the next room.

“There hasn’t been one proper meal and no, bringing me a bagel does not count.” “I tried to take you out to eat after the library. You said no. An aggressive no, if I recall, not a flirty ‘try harder’ no.” “Because you were being reckless!” “Uh, you’re the one who got me off in the stacks where anyone could have found us.” “After you got me off in Peregrine’s office, of all places.” “Alright, fine. Let’s do a ‘proper’ date with dinner. Do you want flowers, too?” “Yes,” he shot back with an arched brow and a challenging smirk. “And I’d like to have a lengthy, meaningful conversation over drinks and candlelight instead of you just trying to find a way into my pants.”

I stole a glance at Graeme. He was abnormally pale and he’d gone from bouncing his knee to cracking all of the knuckles in his hands, each and every joint possible.

“Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass, you’d see what was really happening!” “And what is that, exactly?” Bob Winslow asked, a pen at the ready to jot it all down in the Book of Transactions. I’m sure tonight’s entry was already quite lengthy. One for the history books, as Bob would say. “It’s true love,” Ainsworth said happily, like everyone wasn’t on the verge of tearing each other limb from limb. “For the first time in over three centuries, the stars have aligned and brought these two together. It should be celebrated, George, not reviled.”

“Can we get back to why we’re really here?” Treadwell interjected. “I have three murders to solve and a demon to kill. I don’t give two shits about whose kids are shtupping whose, alright?”

“You didn’t tell me you could be possessed by a fucking demon!” I stared at him for a moment. “I told you I’d need your help! Did you think I just wanted a cheerleader?”

There was a collective exhale from the remaining people. “Well that went over better than I’d hoped,” Ainsworth said brightly. We both looked at him incredulously. “Well,” he continued with a shrug, “the meetinghouse is still standing, so that’s a start. And everyone has a pulse! Celebrate the little things, boys. It’ll make your lives a lot happier.” He had a point, but we still shook our heads, trying not to smile. So much for not telling the Congregation about us… Ainsworth clapped his hands together. “Alright then! Who’s ready to make their conversion?”

“Yeah, about that… I saw this and it made me think of you.” I fished the bloodstone out of my pocket, the same crystal I’d swiped from my house earlier, and offered it to Cassius on the palm of my hand. The flash of red was barely visible in the moonlight, but in sunlight it shone beautifully against the dark green stone. “If I make it through this thing alive, will you, Cassius Corbin, be my boyfriend?” “What are you, a penguin?” Shaking his head, he nevertheless took the bloodstone with a small smile. I’d almost swear there was a blush too, but it was hard to tell in the silvery light. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I smirked and pulled him in close for a kiss.

A few rocks jutted out into the water, worn smooth by the gentle insistence of the river.

The dark water had no more than swallowed my ankles when I gasped like an idiot. I hoped Cash didn’t mind topping for the next week because I’m pretty sure that’s how long it was going to take for my dick to come out of hiding.

“I’m sorry.” “’S’ok,” he mumbled, turning his face into the side of my neck. The wind died almost immediately, while the rain tapered off into a light mist. “You scared me,” I said, rubbing the blue-tinged skin on his arm, hoping to speed his recovery. “I thought you were gone.” “Can’t get rid of me that easily.” He tried to laugh but ended up coughing. “Yeah, you’re like a wart. Or a hemorrhoid.” “Aw, babe. You say the sweetest things.”

“Make it snow,” I suggested. All of the elements were already in place, he just needed to drop the temperature. Drastically. “For me?” He gave me a small smile before closing his eyes. My arm tightened around his waist, keeping him close.

“You doing ok, kid?” It was my turn to chuckle, but it definitely wasn’t out of amusement. “Not really, no. I just found out everything I thought I knew was a lie. My dad hates me. My mom is either straight-up psycho or hexed and tried to kill my boyfriend’s dad, in addition to two of my classmates and my best friend. Oh, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail all of my classes this semester because I haven’t been to class in weeks because of the demon hunting my ass.”

“Yeah, you and Corbin. That was, uh, an interesting development.” I snorted. “Tell me about it.” “My advice? Take happiness where you can find it. Life’s too fucking short for the rest of the bullshit.” “That’s the problem, though. Our happiness comes at the expense of other people.” “Fuck ’em. It’s your life. Don’t forget that.”

My mom had spent the past few months murdering my friends, attacking whoever she felt like, including me, and cursing my boyfriend and his family. Now she was dead. Whether she was crazy, hexed, or had been corrupted by a demon was a moot point. In a way, I knew it would always end like this. Maybe not like this, but I knew things would never be the same. We might as well have buried her the day we buried Owen since that was the day my mother really died. That thing hanging there wasn’t my mom. That was an imposter, someone who’d lived in our house for the past six years but hadn’t been a part of our lives.

“You didn’t have to do all of this,” Graeme said softly. “I know.” She gave him a fleeting smile.

Well, there went the hope of having any fun time before bed. I mean, after everything we ate I knew anal was off the table, but I thought we could still get off some other way. So much for that. “I don’t know…” “Why did she kill Melanie? And Sophia? And fucking India, for Christ’s sake. She’s known India her whole life! Why would she send a demon after my best friend?” “I don’t know…” Yep. Definitely no sex. Couldn’t even get hard if I wanted to.

Although, we should go see how it’s doing anyway. I haven’t checked on it in a couple days.” “You haven’t checked on it?” Graeme gasped with exaggerated outrage. “Are you going to ignore our children too?” “We don’t have children, smart ass.” “Well, not with that attitude.”

I dropped the offering into his hand and waited, biting my lower lip. Cassius’s gaze lingered on mine for a minute before he looked down at the rose quartz heart in his palm. The stone of pure, unconditional love. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he ran his thumb across the smooth pink surface. “What am I supposed to say to this?” Getting down on one knee, I presented him with a closed black velvet box. “Say you’ll marry me. Tomorrow, after graduation, after med school. I don’t care. All I know is that I’m never going to love anyone the way I love you. I know we’re young, barely even adults most days, but I’m afraid if I don’t ask you right now and stake my claim, some other penguin is going to find a better stone and take you away from me.”