Open Throat

by Henry Hoke

I try to understand people but they make it hard

I think of all the nights we’ll spend together this man and his guts and me

all I can see is what’s right in front of me

the people build a fire some nights and I have to stay far away from the glow but they haven’t done that in months they’re afraid of the dryness like I’m afraid of the dryness

I want to thank my people but I know if they see me it’ll fuck up our relationship

I chance a growl but the earth growls louder

I look down and touch one front paw to the other to make sure I’m real and alive

I look up through the branches of the big tree but the sky is too bright for me to see anything except painful light

I don’t know if I feel good or bad

my mother was very kind her bloodthirst was insatiable she taught me how to snap a neck with my jaws why would I ever leave her

a father to a kitten is an absence a grown cat to a father is a threat

I want to do the opposite I want to go to a place where I won’t be hated

I traded old fear for new fear

my skills are hiding so long that you forget I’m there

I think I’m kind of a poet because when I finally find a deer left behind by a herd its leg broken and stuck in a rock even though I know I shouldn’t know it’ll make the meat spoil quicker I eat the heart first

there’s something wrong with my ears I can’t shut them like I can shut my eyes

I want to devour their sound I have so much language in my brain and nowhere to put it

was I a threat or just on my way out

my skin is starting to get loose and some of my fur drags and tugs on things it didn’t drag or tug on before it’s okay old is fine

the man with the whip is not holding a whip and he’s not wearing a hat or jacket but I know his thickness and I know that neck vein I’ve been seeing in my head since he first leaned it within reach of my teeth

my lungs are full of ugly

moving doesn’t seem worth it and I stop and lie down with my not body and wait for something anything to shift

I’m not sure how to have a body again after losing it and my desire goes in all directions

small and sick and afraid three of my favorite flavors

my gaze meets hers and I don’t feel guilty for being seen

if you feel alone in the world find someone to worship you

I feel more like a person than ever because I’m starting to hate myself

I have no idea what it’s like to be a person and to be confronted with a me

the carpet is ruined already by the shards of lamp so I get down off my sofa and scratch and scratch at it and try to claw words into the floor to explain myself

she turns and caresses my back and I can feel her frustration in every pet