A Million Kisses in Your Lifetime

by Monica Murphy

We are opposites in every single way you can think of, yet we’re also unspoken equals. It’s the weirdest fucking thing.

nod, keeping my head down. I can feel his gaze burning my skin as he watches me, and I’m worried if I look into his eyes, I’ll turn to stone. Like he’s freaking Medusa with a bunch of coiled snakes as hair. “You two should go sit down and get started,” Skov encourages. “Okay,” I croak, daring to look in Crew’s direction. To find him already watching me, the look on his handsome face so dark, my knees nearly buckle.

GIRLIE IM PRAYING FOR U CAUSE THAT SOUNDS SCARY AF

hold onto the lollipop stick, sucking hard on the candy, contemplating breaking it apart with my teeth when Crew says, “One more thing.” “What?” I pull the sucker out of my mouth. “You really shouldn’t eat those things in front of me.” He nods toward the sucker in my hand. “Why not?” I frown. “Watching you play with that thing in your mouth, all I can think about is you sucking my dick,” he says, his tone casual. As if he just didn’t say what he said. And with that, he gets out of the chair and strides away, not letting me say anything in response. Leaving me sitting there, my mind going over all the things I could’ve said to him. He’s unnecessarily rude toward me.

BRO I DONT LIKE HIM AND SHE IS SO NICEEE. HE BETTET STEP UP HIS GAME >:(

Dropping my bag on the floor, I stop right next to Wren’s—my—chair and sit down, nudging her over, which isn’t too difficult. She weighs nothing, and doesn’t take up much room on the chair. Her scent is heady, like a burst of wildflowers in the middle of a spring meadow. She’s warm and soft, and she fits perfectly by my side. I sling my arm around the back of the chair, half-tempted to pull her onto my lap. “Crew!” She’s squealing. “What are you doing?” “What does it look like?” She angles her head toward mine, and our faces are so close, I can make out the faint freckles across her nose. Of course, she has freckles. She’s sweetness personified. “I’m sitting at my desk.” “I told you to go sit at mine.” For someone who looks ready to swallow her tongue, she’s pretty damn calm. The only tell being her pulse fluttering rapidly at the base of her throat. Her lips part, soft puffs of breath leaving her, and I wonder what she’d do if I leaned in and pressed my mouth where her pulse throbs. She’d probably freak the fuck out.

THE QUACK IS GOING ON BDDEXBVDDHHS

don’t like being made a spectacle in front of the entire class, and that’s exactly what Crew just did. Attention doesn’t bother me, as long as it’s not negative. What he just made happen felt negative. Almost mocking. Shoving me to the side, so we could share his desk chair, even for those brief few minutes, had been annoyingly… Pleasant. He’s solid. Hard muscle and hot skin. Broad shouldered with a wide chest and strong arms. Being so close to him, his arm slung behind me and across the back of the chair, I felt as if I was in a Crew Lancaster cocoon. And I liked it. I liked having him close. My heart started to race with having him so near. It’s still racing.

WHATAAAAA :0

He smiles. It’s small and quick, and if I told anyone else it happened, no one would believe me, but oh my God, Crew just smiled at me, and my stomach feels like a million butterflies just took flight, their fluttering wings making me tingle everywhere. All from a brief smile. What in the world is wrong with me?

Omgahhhhhh

“I’m not responsible for your actions.” I caress her tit, my touch extra gentle, noting how she slowly melts against me. “Like I said, we need to strike a deal, little birdy.” “I’m not striking anything with you. Let me go.” She stomps on my foot again, surprising me. A yelp escapes and she breaks free, running away from me, never once looking back. I watch her go, ignoring the pain throbbing in my toes, focusing on the erection I’m sporting thanks to having Wren’s sexy little body rubbing against mine for the last five minutes. Hearing her confess that she both hated and liked what I said shocked me. That’s something I’m definitely going to explore further.

AYO NO NO POOR WREN STAHP IT CREW

“It’s originally untitled, but it’s known in the art world as ‘A Million Kisses in Your Lifetime.’

“What’s your favorite color?” “Green.” He leans in, his mouth so close to my ear, just like I imagined last night. “Like your eyes.”

NOW WE'RE TALKIN :)

“Do you like girls with pink hair?” I ask Crew. He levels that icy blue gaze on me. “I prefer brunettes.” “Really.” Crew nods. “With green eyes and an appreciation for art.”

YASSSSSS

“Why you want to take me out for my birthday.” I sip from my water glass. “You barely know me.” “I’m getting to know you.” “And sometimes you still act as if you don’t like me.” “Right back at you.” He smiles. Ugh, he’s too pretty when he does that. “I just don’t go out for my birthday with some random boy,” I say, my voice small. “I’m not just some random boy, as you call me. We’ve known each other for a while,” he says, as if that makes all the sense in the world for him wanting to take me out. “And you’ve treated me terribly since day one,” I remind him. “Yet here you are, sitting in a restaurant having lunch with me.” The smile is still there, and I’m tempted to slap it off his face. Or kiss it off. Okay fine, more like kiss it off.

Im deadddd

She rests her cheek against the soft black leather seat, smiling up at me with adoring eyes. All of her trust is shining in the green depths. I can’t help but see it and feel pain, because if I fuck this up—and I’m bound to, I’m not good at shit like this—I will hurt her beyond measure. And that is the last thing I want to do.

She so cute and fine tho

“You sure you want me to be your first?” He drifts his fingers across my cheek, sliding them into my hair, holding the side of my head, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Because after I take one, I’m going to want them all.”

Brooooo im to single and delulu for this

“I remember everything about you, Wren.” His gaze turns serious. “Every single little thing.”

THATS WHAT IM TALKEN ABT JVYCHVH

“The view’s pretty, don’t you think?” I’m not talking about the gardens, though they’re exactly that, especially with the snow falling. A perfect early winter scene. No, I’m talking about Wren. She’s so fucking beautiful. Sweet. Interesting. It sort of blows my mind, how much I enjoy talking to her. Spending time with her. “It is,” she admits, her voice soft.

Awwww so flipping sweet :,)

“Visually, it’s stunning. And Spider-Man is in it.” When I frown, he continues, “Tobey Maguire.” “Tom Holland is a better Spider-Man,” I automatically say around the lollipop still in my mouth, because I believe it. Crew scowls. “Hell no. Tobey is the Spider-Man of my childhood. He’s forever Spidey.”

I gotta agree with her tho cause tom holand is lowkey so flipping fine, not as fine as londyn hugging me from the back pressing on me as she rubbed her face on my neck moving her thumbs up and down while holding my waist LIKE WHAT THIS FLIPPING HOT 6 GRADER DOES TO ME

Crew grabs the lollipop stick and pulls it out of my mouth. “Hey!” I protest. “Say yes, and I’ll give it back.” He holds the candy just out of my reach. “I don’t want to get in trouble,” I admit, turning serious. His expression becomes serious too. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Birdy. We can start the movie early. You can get back to your room before curfew.” “You promise?” “Yes.” He shoves the Blow Pop into his mouth. “Ew, we can’t share that,” I protest. “Why not?” He pulls it out, handing it to me. I shake my head. “You just had it in your mouth.” “I had my mouth on yours yesterday,” he reminds me, his voice lowering, his gaze going hot. “Remember?” How could I forget? This movie watching idea is a bad one. I might end up doing something I’ll regret. “Come over at seven,” he tells me as he draws the sucker out of his mouth and licks it with his tongue. My breathing starts to accelerate. “You can get back to your dorm by ten.”

Bro i would steal it back to tease :)

“So you really didn’t—hook up with Natalie last night?” My voice is a whisper, barely heard. Carried away on the wind. “No,” he says vehemently. “I was with you. All I could think about was you. And how good you tasted.” My cheeks go hot, despite the cold air. “Crew.” “I’m serious.” He ducks his head, nuzzling my face with his, his breath hot against my ear. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” “I can’t stop thinking about you either,” I whisper.

I loveeeee

He kisses me, so gently I almost want to cry. Who knew this boy could be so sweet?

Im so sine bro

“Stop trying to act like you don’t care, when I know you do.” He pulls me in so close I’m completely pressed against him, our lower bodies stuck together like glue. “It’s okay to admit that you like me.” “I shouldn’t,” I tell him truthfully. “After everything you’ve put me through lately. For the last three years, actually.” His expression turns somber. “I’m an asshole.” “Yes, you are,” I agree. “Birdy.” He sounds shocked. “I didn’t say it. I just agreed with it.” I smile. So does he. “Everything’s going to be all right,” he tells me, his mouth hovering above mine. “I promise.” He kisses me. And I can’t help it. I believe him.

Omy gahhhh. Stop calling me single bro

“Look, we’re going to be fine. Just follow the outline. Follow me. I won’t lead you astray.” He smiles, and I think with that smile alone Crew could lead me astray forever and ever.

Awwww

We’re just about to wrap it up when Crew mentions one last observation. “I know I’ve talked mostly about our differences while Wren spoke of our similarities. I do have to mention that before I got to know Wren, I wasn’t a big fan of lollipops.” His gaze meets mine, a smirk on his face, and I suddenly want to die. “But she’s convinced me that they’re delicious, especially when she shares them.” He pulls a couple of Blow Pops out of his pocket and starts tossing them, one directly at Ezra, who catches it with one hand. Okay. He’s trying to make me die of embarrassment. Clearly.

IM DEADDD

“Don’t get shy on me now,” he teases. Turning toward him, I brush my hair away from my face. “You know I’m shy.” “Shy and sexy. A good girl with a secret bad side. I like that about you, Birdy.”

Oop

“Can I ask you a question?” Crew nods, turning in his seat so he’s facing me more fully. “Did you do this for me? This trip to Vermont? Or for yourself?” He reaches for me, his hand landing on my cheek, his fingers stroking my skin, leaving me breathless. “I did it for you.” I blink at him, my eyes wanting to fill with tears, though I don’t know why. “I did it for us,” he admits. Just before he kisses me.

Awwwww

The wind ruffles his hair and he brushes it out of his eyes and I can’t help it. My heart swells with emotion. I like this boy. So much. And maybe we’re moving too fast, but I don’t care. When something feels right, you shouldn’t deny yourself. And I refuse to deny myself of spending time with Crew.

So sweetttt :')

He dips down, his mouth at my ear. “What would make you feel better?” I turn toward his mouth, my lips brushing his when I whisper, “You.”

YASSSS

Even worse? The thought of losing her. That’s downright unbearable to even imagine.

PERIODDDD

He’s driving me out of my mind with worry. Finally, I spot him, walking with his friends toward the building, Crew standing in the middle. I walk outside, barely able to repress the smile that wants to appear when I note the way his gaze lights up when he first sees me. How he tamps it down so his friends won’t notice. Well. That’s disappointing. Though it’s originally what I wanted, so I can’t complain.

:(

“I protect what’s mine,” he says through gritted teeth, his eyes blazing with anger. Everything inside me melts at the way he said that. The look on his face, how he’s touching me. The fact that he’s wearing my ring around his neck. His behavior is so archaic and sexist, yet a part of me loves it. That he believes I belong to him.

Omy gahhhh :')

“When we’re lucky enough to find someone that makes our world brighter, shouldn’t we grab hold of that person and never let them go?”

So sweettttt :,)

I’m going to see her. Before her birthday. After. On New Year’s Eve. I’m going to make sure these next few weeks are good for her. Prove that I haven’t forgotten her like everyone else. When I said I was her friend, I meant it. When I said I cared about her, I meant that too. No way can I lose her now.

Im to flipping single for this

Once she closes the door, I cap the lipstick and search the box, finding a small envelope buried at the bottom. I pull the card out with shaking fingers, recognizing the bold handwriting immediately. You can kiss me with this color the next time we’re together. It’ll show up on my skin better. X, Crew I close my eyes, my lips curling into a smile. Oh my God.

I loveeee

My father’s eyes lock with mine and I physically recoil, desperate to get away from him. Why is he acting like this? Saying such awful things? “You changed your iCloud password because you’ve got something to hide,” he continues. “I thought I raised you better than this.” “It’s not that I have anything to hide, it’s that you don’t trust me so you think it’s okay to invade my privacy! That’s not right.” “I am your father. I can do whatever the hell I want. I made you.” I jerk out of his hold, right as my mother appears in the hallway. “What in the world is going on?” She is so calm. Like ice. Impenetrable. “I’m leaving.” “Going to the Lancaster residence?” When I nod, she smiles. “Have fun, darling. Don’t stay out too late.” Daddy is gaping at her like a dying fish, his mouth opening and closing as if he can’t find the right words. “You’re just going to let her—leave?” I march past him, stopping to give Mom a brief hug before I keep walking. “You need to stop treating her like a little girl, Harvey. I’ve already told you this. The tighter you hold onto her, the more you’ll make her run,” I hear her say. She’s so right. He keeps holding me too tight. And I keep wanting to run away.

PERIOD MY LIKE CLOCK THAT SLAYING BADDIE T :P

Perfect. We already used up all the film that came with my instant camera. I have a ton of photos of Crew with lipstick prints all over his chest and back. I took a couple of selfies with him of me kissing his cheek, my lips vibrant with color. He’s sent me a Chanel lipstick every day this week. My mother has enjoyed the gifts too, bringing them to me each time with anticipation dancing in her eyes. Pretty sure she thinks he’s worth keeping. I feel the same way.

AWWWW

“I’ll tell you how it works. At least with me.” He slips his arm around my shoulders, tucking me close to his side, so he can whisper in my ear. “There’s this girl, you see. She’s sweet. Beautiful. I don’t know how she tolerates an ass like me, but she seems to like me all right. And I really, really like her.” Warmth spreads through my veins and my heart swells. “This is the first time I’ve ever wanted to spend all of my time with a girl, and it’s leaving me feeling…consumed. I can’t stop thinking about her. All I want to do is make her smile. Make her laugh. Make her like me,” he continues. I angle my head toward his and whisper, “I do like you.” Crew kisses me, his lips clinging to mine. “I like you too. And I definitely don’t want you to be a casual hookup.” Another kiss. This one deeper, with tongue. “I want you to be mine. And no one else’s,” he whispers against my lips.

GIVE ME THIS RELATIONSHIP BRUH

“I wish I could take away your pain,” he says, and I can’t help it. I stare at him in disbelief, wondering where the cruel, brooding Crew went. He’s been replaced with this sweet, sexy, thoughtful man who only wants to take care of me, and… I love it. I love him. I do. I’m in love with him.

Omygahh he so fine bro

His voice lowers, his expression gravely serious. “I would do anything for you, Wren. Just to see you smile. Hear you laugh. Remember what I told you?”

Awwww

Merry Christmas. I bought you every shade of lipstick Chanel carries, so you can create your own million kisses in your lifetime. Hopefully you’ll share some of those kisses with me. Love, Crew

I loveee, hes a keeper :')

love it.” I pause, the words heavy on my tongue, and he sends me a knowing look. “Don’t say it, Birdy. Not now, when we’re FaceTiming each other.” His smile is smug. “Save it for when we’re actually together.” I burst out laughing. “How did you know?” “Because I feel the same way.”

Omfggggg

I hold her close, breathing in her familiar, floral scent. “I missed you.” “You saw me yesterday.” “And it still felt too long.” I squeeze her. Kiss her forehead. Savor the feel of her in my arms. God, Grant was right. I am pathetic.

Bro ur the dream guy :)

The gift she gives me is small. Sentimental. A five by seven framed map with a red dot on the gallery I followed her to in Tribeca. “These are more for where a couple first met,” she says, her cheeks pink as she explains it. “But the gallery is where everything…changed for us.” I stare at the framed map. The red dot that’s really in the shape of a heart. Too bad it’s not a pair of red lips. “I love it.” “Do you really? You don’t think it’s cheesy?” I lean in and press my mouth to hers. “Nothing you give me is cheesy. I love this.” “You two—” Grant starts, but Alyssa slaps her hand over his mouth, muffling whatever else he wanted to say. “Are very cute,” Alyssa finishes for him. Grant rolls his eyes. Finn snorts. I say nothing. Just smile at the girl who has my heart. Shit. That’s still a little hard for me to wrap my head around.

So sweet and i love alyssa

“So there was a girl I didn’t know who walked onto campus our freshman year, and I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I hated her on sight.” My brothers laugh. So does my father. My mother just sighs and shakes her head. Wren smiles at me, already knowing this story. “There was something about her that I saw in myself, though I never truly believed we had anything in common. How could we? She was the complete opposite of me, or so I thought. Until we had psychology together our senior year. And our teacher paired us up for a project. I learned a lot about her, and she learned a lot about me. And yeah, we were also drawn to each other, so now here we are. Together for the last two years. The best two years of my life.” I smile at her, and she smiles in return, her expression suddenly nervous too. Does she know what I’m about to do? “I realized that what I saw in her before wasn’t what I saw in myself. Not at all. Wren isn’t like me. She’s an actual part of me. And I can’t imagine my life without her in it.” The room has gone completely silent. Wren’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “You might hate me for this, doing this on your birthday and Christmas but…” I go to her and drop to one knee, taking her hand in mine. “Wren, I love you so damn much. Will you marry me?” I reach inside my pocket and pull out the ring I chose just for her. A single diamond solitaire, round cut. Simple. Three carats. Large enough, but not over the fucking top like the rings worn ...

Omygahhhh :,D