The Infinity Between Us

by N.S. Perkins

It’s easy to not realize how much you miss something when it’s been so long, you don’t even remember how it used to be.

The town didn’t do anything to me. Rationally, I know that. But sometimes, it’s hard to figure out who deserves your anger. Most of the time, I want to aim it at the whole world.

I wish someone else were here to tell me what to do. When I was younger, Mom used to tease me all the time about never being able to make decisions. Obviously, she’s not here to do that now. And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?

“So there’s an infinity of memories within me, and an infinity of memories within you. But the infinity between us? It’s even grander.”

I know I shouldn’t be stuck in the past anymore, but I can’t help it.” It’s like every time there’s an opportunity for me to move on, I self-sabotage and hold myself back in this cycle of hurt and anger, and I don’t know how to stop, no matter how much I want to.

“Don’t waste your time being angry when you could be in love.”

“Stop this right there. You’re not defined by what you do, Violet.” His eyes are incredulous as they alternate between mine. “It drives me crazy that you think that. You don’t have to do anything to be extraordinary. Just being you is enough. You’re enough.”

Life is not that simple, but God, it’d be nice if it was.

The drawing of my mother isn’t perfect, but I don’t know how to make it so. I did it only from memory, and I’m realizing what I remember of my mother is slowly drifting away. I can’t tell what the exact shape of her nose was like. I can’t perfectly picture the tone of her hair. The one thing that’s crystal clear in my head is her smile. I think it’s been permanently etched into me.

It’s not always easy to be with the one you love. I realize it now. You need to work for it. But once you do, you can spend every day of your life feeling the way I’m feeling right now.