It Starts with Us (It Ends with Us, #2)

by Colleen Hoover

This novel was written as a thank-you for the tremendous support, and because of that, I wanted to deliver a much lighter experience. Lily and Atlas deserve it. I hope you enjoy their journey. All my love, Colleen Hoover

it felt like a part of me that had been dormant suddenly sprang to life.

Is it worth it? Of course Atlas is worth it. But are we worth it? Is us potentially becoming a thing worth the stress it would inevitably bring to all the other areas of my life?

My choice helped me realize that sometimes the hardest decisions a person can make will most likely lead to the best outcomes.

Do I sacrifice what I know will make me happy for the sake of avoiding the inevitable disruption Atlas’s presence would cause? Or will I always have an Atlas-shaped hole in my heart unless I allow him to fill it?

After Emmy was born, there were moments here and there when I would feel a spark between us. He’d do or say something sweet, or he’d be holding Emmy while he sang to her, and I would feel that familiar desire for him bubbling up inside of me. But I somehow found it within me to pull myself out of the moment every time. It only takes one bad memory to immediately dull any fleeting feelings I have in his presence.

It’s been a long, bumpy road, but those feelings are finally nonexistent.

I value my privacy.”

If Ryle did these things to me at the highest points of our relationship, what would he be capable of at the lowest?

It’s almost 9:30 at night, and I have no missed calls.

“We’ll take it one step at a time, okay?” “One very slow step at a time,”

“Get comfy while I mortify myself,” I mutter. “It’s me, Lily. It’s us. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“And what if they don’t have a Lily to save them?” It takes a few seconds for what he says to register. When it does, I don’t smile. I swallow the lump in my throat, hoping he can’t see my internal reaction to that. It’s not the first time he’s mentioned I saved him back then, but every time he says it, I want to argue with him. I didn’t save him. All I did was fall in love with him.

I can see why I fell in love with him. What owner is more concerned about the situation of the person vandalizing their business than they are with the actual damage being done?

I like this flirty side of Atlas. I have to bite my bottom lip for two seconds in order to hold back my grin.

Even the way he makes such intense eye contact while saying goodbye makes my stomach flip. I end the call and press my face into my pillow. I squeal like I’m sixteen again.

Emmy probably got the fever from Rylee to begin with.

But I smell like I’m terrified of vampires, so it’s already not going my

“It’s okay. I’m not tired, but I do smell like garlic.” “I like garlic.” “Good thing.”

Everyone handles stress differently, and none of those ways is necessarily wrong,

I feel like business reviews are a reflection of the owner,

“I wanted you to be my first kiss back then, and that wouldn’t have happened if you kept sleeping on the floor.”

Atlas laughs. “You think me doing something to mortify myself will make you feel better about tonight?” I nod. “Yes, that’s the law of the universe. Eye for an eye, humiliation for humiliation.”

But I had felt homeless a lot longer than that. My whole life, really, even though I had a house and a mother and, occasionally, a stepfather.

For so long, I had blamed Tim for everything that went wrong in that household, but everything wrong with that household started with her. Tim simply amplified what was already an awful environment.

I realized at that point I had been giving her too much credit. I always blamed our lack of a bond on her being a single mother, but there were a lot of busy single mothers out there who somehow still bonded with their children. Mothers who took up for their children when they were being mistreated. Mothers who wouldn’t look the other way when their thirteen-year-old came away from a punishment with a black eye and a busted lip. Mothers who didn’t allow their husbands to force their school-aged child into homelessness. Mothers who didn’t throw screwdrivers at their children’s heads.

It isn’t lost on me that I’m not mortified anymore. Him being vulnerable with me seemed to be the reset button I needed for our date to get back on track.

I may not be perfect, but I don’t deserve to fear for my life every time I make a mistake.

“What if I’ve changed?” he asks. “Really changed?” His eyes are full of a mixture of sincerity and sorrow. It does nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. “I don’t care if you’ve changed, Ryle. I hope you have. But it’s not my responsibility to test that theory.”

RUN! Get away from Ryle right this second!!!!!

I definitely underestimate how difficult and confusing interactions with Ryle can be.

How do people leave these cycles when they don’t have the resources I had or the support from their friends and family? How do they possibly stay strong enough every second of the day? I feel like all it takes is one weak, insecure moment in the presence of your ex to convince yourself you made the wrong decision.

Anyone who has ever left a manipulative, abusive spouse and somehow stayed that course deserves a medal. A sta...

Nothing you have done and nothing you could do would excuse any man’s hands on you out of anger. Remember that, Lily. You made the right choice by leaving that situation. You should never feel guilty for that. Pride is the only thing you should feel.”

“How much do you need?” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not here for money.” “What is it, then? You need a kidney? A heart?”

“I forgot how hard it is to have a conversation with you.” “Then why do you keep trying?”

“You’re going to drive five miles just to give me a hug?” “I’d run five miles just to give you a hug.”

The more joy I get from my interactions with Atlas, the more dread I feel about having to break the news to Ryle.

“Lily. Life is a funny thing. We only get so many years to live it, so we have to do everything we can to make sure those years are as full as they can be. We shouldn’t waste time on things that might happen someday, or maybe even never.”

“I’m going to make a promise to you,” he said. “When my life is good enough for you to be a part of it, I’ll come find you. But I don’t want you to wait around for me, because that might never happen.”

I didn’t like that promise, because it meant one of two things. Either he thought he might never make it out of the military alive, or he didn’t think his life would ever be good enough for me.

I know those words get thrown around a lot, especially by teenagers. A lot of times prematurely and without much merit. But when he said them to me, I knew he wasn’t saying it like he was in love with me. It wasn’t that kind of “I love you.”

Until he comes back for me, I’m just going to keep pretending to be okay. I’ll keep pretending to swim, when really all I’m doing is floating. Barely keeping my head above water.

I’ve known him for half an hour. I’ve known of him for a fraction of a day. Yet I suddenly feel like I’ll be protective of him for a lifetime.

You lose your mornings after having children.

Divorce is difficult. I knew it would be, but it’s so much harder than I anticipated.

How long until I get to start making decisions about my own life without worrying about his feelings?

And they’re always in great condition because I don’t think Rylee ever wears an outfit twice.

“That’s easy for you to say; you’re a natural at this whole raising-kids thing.” “I just fake it well,” I say. “I have no idea what I’m doing. No parent does. We’re all full of imposter syndrome, winging it every minute of the day.”

If his childhood is anything like mine was, I’m sure he’s been toughened at the age of twelve in a way that no kid should be familiar with.

As much as he glares at me with distrustful eyes, I can also sense that he’s curious about me. He doesn’t ask many questions, but he watches me in a way that makes it obvious he has a million questions on the tip of his tongue. For whatever reason, he keeps swallowing them down. He’s probably wondering why I went so easy on him last night after finding out he’s the one who damaged my restaurants.