The Do-Over

by Lynn Painter

CONFESSION #1 When I was ten, I started putting confession strips into a box in my closet so that if anything happened to me, people would know that I was more than just the quiet girl who followed the rules.

I love this 😂

CONFESSION #2 I once pulled a hotel’s fire alarm because my parents were sleeping in and I wanted to get to Disneyland before there was a line to see Belle.

Girl- HAH

I had always been a “good” kid, the kind of kid that parents didn’t have to worry about. My homework was always done, I never talked back, I always followed the rules, and I happily went along with what everyone else wanted. In a normal nuclear family, that kind of stuff made parents proud, right? But in a family such as mine, it made me forgettable.

💔

I cannot count the number of times I’d entered one of their houses only to hear someone say, Oh, I thought you were at your dad’s/mom’s today. I also cannot count how many parent-teacher conferences and dentist appointments were missed because they each assumed the other was taking me. Or the times I crashed at my grandma’s without telling either of them and no one ever called to see where I was. I was so good that my parents didn’t have to worry about me. So they didn’t. At all.

💔💔 stop that’s so sad.

CONFESSION #5 My grandma taught me to do burnouts in her car when I was fourteen.

Slay grandma

I was going to strangle someone with my bath sponge.

Feminine rage. Looove itttt

“Oh, yeah—my phone is dead.” “I always forget to charge mine, too,” Macy said. “I actually dropped it in the toilet,” I said, instantly regretting sharing that little gem. “I mean, not a dirty toilet—it wasn’t dirty. I mean, yes, all toilets are dirty, but I mean there was nothing in it.” Shut up, shut up, shut up! “Holy Christ,” Nick muttered at the same time Macy said, “Oh my God.” Yes, we were all calling out to the Lord in response to my phone’s disgusting swim.

Girl I’m cringing for you 😂😭😭

I glanced in his direction and put my hand on my chest. “Me?” “Yeah.” I said, “Um, no offense, but I’m a sixteen-year-old girl—it’s not really safe for me to help strangers. Can I call someone for—” “I’m not a stranger—we’re in the same Chemistry class.” What?

SO HE DOES REMEMBER YOU. NICK YOU SLY DAWG.

He reached out a hand, tugged lightly on the piece of hair that had come out of my ponytail, and he said,

Eheheh 😏

I let him maneuver me, leading me around things until finally, he stopped. His breath was warm on my cheek as he leaned in close and said in a quiet voice, “Okay, Emmie—open your eyes.”

🦋

I had no idea what I was doing, but I kissed the tip of his nose. Because this wasn’t about boys and girls and love and attraction, this was about a human soul needing to feel seen. I knew that because even though it wasn’t comparable in scale to what he must be feeling, I felt that loneliness often.

I love this 🦋🦋🩷🩷

Holy shit. It was February 15.

I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING OMG.

“That day, with you, was incredible. I know you don’t ‘have time’ or want a relationship, and I’m cool with waiting or just being friends. But the DONC was—” “A fantasy,” Nick said. “It was a mirage, Emilie.”

BS NICK. B.S.

I’m sorry to break it to you, Emilie, but the DONC was just a playdate. A day where two people blew off school and screwed around downtown. That’s it.” “Um, okay, then.” I blinked back big, fat tears of humiliation. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Em, but that’s all it wa—” “Got it.” I thrust his jacket at him and went back to the car,

B. FREAKING. S. NICK.

The endearment did it. I crumpled into a sobbing mess at the kitchen table, blubbering into my spaghetti and meatballs while my baby “brother,” Potassium, stared at me like I’d lost it.

Potassium has me deceased 😂

It was just a playdate, I reminded myself, the memory still stinging.

HE DIDN'T MEAN IT

He shrugged as I put my hands in the box and pulled out the cake. The purple unicorn cake with the sparkly frosting. The one I’d wanted on my ninth birthday.

AWE

I managed to say, “I can’t believe you remembered the cake.” “I remember everything about you, Em.”

🫠🫠

I glanced down at my arm and smiled. I couldn’t see the tattoo through the sweater and jacket, but I could almost feel it buzzing. Its words were like an electrical current burned into my skin. Everything in my life had changed, but I had zero regrets. I had a marvelous time ruining everything

So cutesie