Profiles in Ignorance: How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber

by Andy Borowitz

Shortly after Joe Geller, the Democratic chairman of Miami-Dade County, arrived at the scene, he was assaulted. “This one guy was tripping me and pushing me and kicking me,” Geller told the Washington Post. “At one point, I thought if they knocked me over, I could have literally got stomped to death.” According to the New York Times, “Upstairs in the Clark center, several people were trampled, punched or kicked when protesters tried to rush the doors outside the office of the Miami-Dade supervisor of elections. Sheriff’s deputies restored order. When the ruckus was over, the protesters had what they had wanted: a unanimous vote by the board to call off the hand counting.” The attack, which became known as the Brooks Brothers Riot, helped secure the presidency for Bush. Citing the halt in the recount, Geller said, “Anybody who says it was unrelated to the intimidation and violence floating around there is not telling the truth. I saw it with my own eyes. Violence, fear and physical intimidation affected the outcome of a lawful elections process.” The Republican rioters weren’t done, though. They proceeded to Broward County in the hopes of stopping the count there, too.