Profiles in Ignorance: How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber

by Andy Borowitz

Despite Quayle’s abysmal performance, the Republican ticket was headed for victory—in part because the Democrats, ignoring the Curse of Adlai Stevenson, had given the egghead strategy another shot. During the race for the nomination, the Democratic presidential field had featured no fewer than five eggheads. Eugene McCarthy was back, in a quixotic attempt to rekindle the magic of ’68. From Adlai’s home state of Illinois came Senator Paul Simon, who cemented his Poindexter cred by voluntarily wearing a bow tie. Also running was the former Colorado senator Gary Hart, a cerebral Yale Law School graduate and the author of such beach reads as America Can Win: The Case for Military Reform, who was the front-runner until he was photographed in a less-than-cerebral pose on a Bimini-bound yacht called Monkey Business.XXVI Hart’s fascination with technology led some in the media to call him an “Atari Democrat,” an honor shared by another contender, Senator Al Gore of Tennessee. And, rounding out this historic roster of geeks and dweebs, the eventual nominee: the Massachusetts governor, Michael Dukakis.