Profiles in Ignorance: How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber

by Andy Borowitz

I don’t want a president who’s just like me. I’m pretty sure I’d suck at the job. I want a president to be better than I am: smarter, braver, calmer, and more patient.

We have reached the final leg of our journey. Before we continue, let’s review the first two stages of ignorance. In the first stage, Ridicule, dumb politicians had to pretend to be smart. In the second stage, Acceptance, dumb politicians felt free to seem dumb. Today, in the third stage, Celebration, smart politicians must pretend to be dumb. For the undisputed icon of this stage, however, no pretense is necessary.

Reflecting on his youthful antics, Trump observed, “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same.”