Lor (Monstrous, #7)

by Lily Mayne

“I feel that way about you too, Jugs. I—I like you. Very, very much. Romantically.”

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. I just like knowing my buddy is getting some. Sow those wild oats, you know? Or, I mean, not so wild, if you’re in a committed relationship. Sow those committed oats, my man.”

“You’re so beautiful,” I mumbled between kisses, my fingers burrowing under the loose hem of his short shirt to palm his chest. “I want to kiss you all over, Jugs.”

A weak shard of grief stabbed through my chest over the knowledge that I would likely never get to share any of it with him. That one day, Jugs might simply stop coming back, never again stepping through the void from his world. And I would wait, and wait, haunting an empty guestroom in my hyll, praying to the Mabs for just one more chance to see him.

It didn’t matter that he wasn’t from here. He was mine. And if he wanted me in the same way, I was going to do everything in my power to keep him coming back again and again.

“I miss you every day,” I told him hoarsely, nuzzling the short golden hair above his ear. “Every hour you are not here.”

“I want you too, more than anything. I miss you every moment you are not here. I dream of you after you leave. I spend my days wishing you were beside me, wishing that I could have you here with me always.”

“When I’m gone, I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault. P-please don’t—please don’t feel guilty. Please don’t—Just make sure you’re happy, okay? Enjoy your life. Don’t waste it.”

love you,” he said tearfully. “I want you to be happy after this.” “I won’t be happy without you,” I sobbed. “I won’t be able to bear it.”

Releasing his hand, I splayed my trembling fingers over his chest. “My heart is in here now. Not with me. I will be empty without you.”

“I haven’t really achieved much, but making the decision to come back here, to meet you properly, is the thing I’m most proud of in my life,” he told me quietly. “I love you, Lor. I don’t regret any of it. And that… that helps. It helps me accept what”—his breath shuddered out of him—“what’s going to happen. It was all worth it. I love you.”

“And we still have a bit more time,” he said as he pulled back, smoothing my hair from my damp face. “Let’s do something fun tomorrow. Well, as fun as it can get in this room.” He chuckled. “We’ll do whatever you want,” I whispered, twining our fingers together on the pillow between us and kissing his knuckles. “Anything. We will spend the whole day together.” He smiled back drowsily, eyes already slipping shut, face lined with exhaustion after his emotional onslaught. “Sounds nice.” The next morning, he didn’t wake up.

“Because it feels like I will die if I let myself feel anything.” I let out a slow, shuddering breath and smoothed back my hair with a trembling hand, trying to stand up straighter. “So I can’t.”

“I have felt dead without you, and now I cannot stop… I’m sorry.”

“I would wait my whole life for you,” he said quietly, trying to steady his voice even as tears continued to stream freely down his cheeks. He pressed his lips to my hand again. “I would wait forever for you, Jugs.”

“I love you,” I sobbed, managing to heave my body to the side so I could bury myself against him. “Thank you. Thank you for waiting for me.”

“I have been so empty without you, Jugs. But you kept my heart safe in here.”

“This means that I will never want anyone else. My mouth will never touch another. I will never speak ill of you. Your name is the first thing I want to pass my lips every morning and the last thing I say every night.”

“There is no one else for me, Jugs.” “R-really?” My voice was small. No one had ever wanted me that much. Not even my own parents. “Even… even after all this time?” “I would have waited forever,” he told me.

“I have missed this so much,” he continued between savouring licks. “Your taste. The feel of you on my tongue. Having you here with me.”

I loved him—everything about him. He was my person. The one I was always meant to be with, even though we were from different worlds. Even though we’d been torn apart for so long. He’d waited for me.

“I cherish you like nothing else, Jugs. I cherish every moment I have with you. I will do my best to make you happy. I will do anything for you.”

“From the moment we met, you have had me.”