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I’m a far cry from bonding while we eat Ben & Jerry’s and talk about the boys that broke our hearts. It’s not like I’m being fake towards her. That girl just has thick skin… like knives wouldn’t cut through sort of skin.
“Come on, would it kill you to smile?” he asks. “At you? It might.”
They really do think he’s a god around here. It’s a pity he’s such an asshole.
“Who says something’s bugging me?” I ask. Chaz gives me a pointed look. “You’re you. If something’s not grating your tits, the sky might just fall.”
You’re only riding the image everyone created for you.” I narrow my eyes. “I create my own image.” “Sure, by scaring the shit out of half of them and making the rest of them think they have a chance at gaining your affection. I’ve heard about your antics, and I’m not impressed.”
The attitude xD
“What are you going to do?” she asks, seeing my reaction. “You can’t beat me up because I’m a woman, and you don’t know what to do with someone who doesn’t want to fuck you.”
“I can make your life a living hell. Do you have any idea who I am?” “You’re a little boy hiding behind a big name. I’m not scared of you, Stone. Whatever you think you can do to me, bring it.” “Is that a challenge?” I ask. She shrugs. “It’s not one I expect you to rise to.”
Everyone gives me what I want. Except her. Fuck.
“I want to know what your problem is with me,” he says simply. “I don’t have a problem with you.” He raises his eyebrows. “Since day one, you’ve been a little bitch.” “Since day one, you’ve been an entitled asshole.” I fold my arms over my chest.
The only thing I can do is to hone in on a weakness, get a shot in before shit hits the fan.
All I can think about is the pain, and I wonder if they’re going to kill me. If they did, what kind of a life have I lived?
No one deserves to be punished in a way that causes physical pain for days on end and emotional scarring for the rest of eternity.
That’s one thing I have more than enough experience of, and I don’t wish that on anyone.
I also don’t tell Chaz the truth—that none of those girls are anything like Raina, and for some fucked up reason, that turns me off. I can’t tell Chaz that. Putting it to words would mean admitting it to myself. And the last thing I’m going to do is admit that that woman is doing something to me—something I hate…and want more of.
It was what my mom was never able to do, and as much as I loved my mom, I’m not planning on walking the same road she did. If I have to engage in petty warfare to show the world that I’m not someone to be trifled with, so be it.
Even heroes fall. When he realizes he’s just human like the rest of us, maybe he’ll stop being such a dick to the people who try to be nice to him.
this way. As much as I’m going to stand up for myself, a small part of me wonders what could have been if he’d just let it be. I doubt we could have dated, but maybe, just maybe, we could have been friends or, at least, not enemies. But we’ll never know now.
“You keep telling me I don’t have a future,” I say. “But you don’t get what it’s like to have to fight for anything in this world. You can’t tell me what I don’t have; you can only tell me what I’m not willing to fight for.”
Anger replaces fear. I know what that feels like—anger is safer. Fear can eat you up, but anger can be controlled. It’s a safer route to follow when shit hits the fan.
Even now, when I look at her I think: mine. And there is no way in hell that bastard is going to lay a hand on her.
Maybe no one has ever tried to help her before. Maybe she’s had to fight all this bullshit alone all this time. My heart goes out to her, and that confuses me.
I just know that I want her to be safe. If anyone is going to give her shit, it’s me. If anyone so much as touches her, I’ll fucking kill them.
“Or maybe, you’re just the person he’ll fall for because you’re nothing like the rest of them. You’re real, Raina. I know that’s what drew me to you.”
“I’ll never hurt you, Raina,” he says. “And I’ll kill anyone who will.” His voice is filled with hatred, and something inside me snaps. “I don’t need you to save me,” I say. “I can do this on my own.”
“I don’t need anyone to save me either, but it sure fucking helps when there’s someone on the sidelines, rooting for you to make it. And I’m rooting for you, Raina.”
He kindled a little flame to life, and now he’s blowing on it, feeding it, letting it grow.
I don’t know what it means, but I don’t want to tear myself away from it. It feels good, better than anything I’ve felt in a long time. It’s been years since I’ve felt safe in anyone’s arms. It’s been years since a touch hasn’t hurt me.
I want to drink this in a little longer. I’m scared that, come tomorrow, all this will disappear, and I’ll learn that it wasn’t real at all. I want to hold onto it for as long as I can. Because this…this was what I imagine love should feel like. Even if it’s just a fantasy, I want to be able to experience it at least once.
the drugs he wants as long as he left you the hell alone. Fuck! I did it for you. But I never meant to…” He swallows hard. He can’t say the words. “You killed my dad for me? Do you hear how fucked up that sounds, Stone?” I shake my head. “You’re a fucking monster.”
“You want to talk about fucked up?” he asks in a low voice. “Don’t act like you’re a saint. You cheat, lie, and steal all the fucking time. You’re here, riding your dishonesty like a wave.”
“What reason could you have for stepping in?” I ask, getting right up in his face. “I asked you not to get involved. Are you so full of yourself you can’t back the fuck down when someone asks you to?” “Because I’m fucking in love with you,” he claps back.
No one has ever been in love with me. No one has ever loved me, not the way they should have.
“You’re not,” I say. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” “You’re just excited by the chase, the idea of me, because I’m different. You’re not in love with me.” “Don’t tell me what I feel,” Stone says.
I can survive being beaten. I can deal with the death of my mother and my father. I can power on, charge through life, and not let any of the bad shit bring me down. But someone tells me they love me, and I come undone at the seams. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want him to know that he’s my undoing. Where did it happen? I can’t put my finger on when exactly I fell in love with him, but it’s there, burning in my chest. It’s terrifying.
I’m so damn deprived of affection, thanks to my dickhead of a father, that when it slaps me in the face I don’t recognize it for what it is. But I know now. I know what I feel for her and what I want from her. I want her to be mine.
But that’s the thing about Raina. She stands on her own two feet. She fights back. She’s not a damsel in distress, and she doesn’t need fucking saving.
I want to be her hero, and she doesn’t need one. In fact, to her, every man is a villain.
You’re broken, Stone. I don’t mean it as condemnation, but you’re on a downward spiral that’s chipping away at who you are.”
“You need someone who gets you,” Chaz continues. “These preppy girls haven’t been through anything worse than a broken nail, and they’ll never get you. But if someone has seen the shit side of life and knows the taste of pain and anguish…she can help you, just like you can help her.”
“Why did you walk away from me?” he demands. “Because you love me, damn it!” I cry out. In a softer voice, I add, “I’m terrified. I can handle fists. I can handle bruises and broken bones and split skin. That shit heals.” He winces when I talk. “But love…that shit hurts, Stone. When you peel it back, what’s underneath? What kind of danger lurks there?”
My eyes sting with tears, and I can’t stop them from rolling over my cheeks. “I don’t need you,” I say. The words sting him; I can tell. “But I want you,” I add.
When I glance up at Raina, her face is riddled with excitement and shock. I’m feeding off her energy, and the rest of the crowd. This is where I want to be. This is what life should be about. Passion. Love.
