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November 18 - November 21, 2024
my heart bled for the young girl inside me who felt paternal absence all her life. a relieved sigh escaped my lips. this is a pain I am glad my children will never know.
he picked the pieces of my heart, like picking flowers from a garden, and pressed them into pages of an old book, safe from the world.
in this game we play, the harder I pull the further you are pushed away. - some sort of a tug of war
my love crossed the line between caring and enabling.
how can I possibly explain to my heart that you no longer exist, when my eyes tell my brain you are standing right in front of me
naming me as the villain in your story became very easy once you destroyed every mirror on earth.
it took me so long to realize that the only thing we control is ourselves, but by then I was already drowning. I had to learn to let you fall
you give in to your cravings. I let you back in. - two types of relapse
how devastatingly beautiful it is to have the same person show you both what love is and what love isn’t.
if love were enough to save someone he’d be okay. but I know now that my love cannot fix him, cannot save him, or convince him to fix or save himself.
I realized that in trying to water him to keep him growing, I had none left for myself. he took all the sunlight so that I slowly withered and died.
the path to self-destruction seemed easier than the path to healing. but the only way to not feel the pain was to not cause it anymore and to find the proper ways to fill the voids in your heart.
you may not be everything that you want to be when you’re sober, but you are one hundred thousand percent everything that you don’t want to be when you’re in active addiction. this is not a promise, because promises can be easily broken. this is a guarantee: do not expect anything different
what you know now you didn’t know then. this changes nothing. you did the best you could. forgive yourself. - a letter to myself
those who took you apart piece by piece do not get to tell you how to put it all back together or have a say in how long it takes you to do so. - this takes time
it’s a different kind of strength that comes from a different kind of pain. - loving an addict
my pain more than ripped me open. it reached inside, pulled my flesh from the bone, and became all that I ate and breathed. it lodged like a bullet to the brain and when it was done teaching me, molding me, changing me, I asked it to leave. with hands of a skilled surgeon, I reached inside and released all that was no longer serving me.
