Consider Me (Playing For Keeps, #1)

by Becka Mack

“I have a date today.” Hank’s fork pauses in midair, his mouth hanging open. He doesn’t have to look so shocked. I’m date-worthy. I can date. It’s not a big deal.

You kissed her even though you didn’t mean to. Why? Because she has the power. Because you took one look at that pretty face and you crumbled to the floor at her feet. And you always will, because you’ll put her before anyone and everything else.”

I’m not anxious; I’m in control. There’s a difference.

It’s not as if I don’t know how to go on a date. It’s not like I have very real feelings for her that scare the living shit out of me. If I were anxious, would I—okay, I’m fucking anxious. But it’s not a big deal. Everyone feels this way before their first date, right? Whether they’re sixteen or about to be twenty-eight.

“I thought you were in control.” “Can I tell you the truth?” Hooking a finger beneath her chin, I tilt her face up. “I’ve never felt so fucking powerless. That’s why I’m gonna kiss you now instead of waiting until the end of our date like I promised myself I would, okay?”

“I want to date you, Ollie. I want to take you for dinner and go see Disney movies and dedicate my goals to you without feeling bad about it. I want us to give this a real shot.” “That’s a big change for you.” “One I’m ready to make if it’s me and you.”

“I’m all in, as long as it’s you I’m all in with.” My lips meet hers with a gentle, sweeping kiss, brushing her hair behind her ear when we part. “Are you still scared?” “Yes.” “What are you most afraid of?” “Falling,” she answers quietly and without hesitation. “I’ll catch you.” “Promise?” Bringing her to me, I sear her with a kiss that feels every bit like a future I never knew I wanted. “Promise.”

“Can we get a picture?” This is the fourth group to ask. Carter’s response has been the same every time. “I’m having lunch with my girl right now, so I’ll catch you on the way out.” The my girl comment does the same thing it’s done every other time: kisses my cheeks, wraps around my neck and tumbles down my spine, settling like a heavy weight at the cleft of my thighs.

“It’ll get old quick, I promise. I can see it now.” He swipes a hand through the air in an arc. “‘Carter Beckett, seen for the tenth night in a row with hot-as-hell high school teacher.’” He squeezes my hands. “Trust me, princess, it’ll get boring fast.” My nose scrunches. “I’m not a princess.” He pulls into traffic, winking at me. “You’re my princess.”

“Wanted to meet the beautiful Miss Olivia before you have a chance to mess it all up and scare her away.”

“Hank,” I murmur, turning to him. “Oh no,” Carter whispers, eyes flicking to the tablet. “What is it?” Hank asks, head moving between us. Carter swallows. “Olivia just found your smut collection.”

I love seeing her like this, her walls coming down, her simply … being herself, with me. Me, being myself with her. It’s easy.

Every minute of this day has been perfect, from Olivia’s hand in mine as we skated across the lake, to the way she stood by my side at the stove, watching me cook dinner, right down to the way she tightly wrapped her arms around me when I showed her the stash of tea I’d run out to buy just for her.

It’s the smallest, simplest thing, but when one of her hands tangles with mine, and the other moves to lay over my heart, any apprehension I feel melts away. If I want her to know me, well, this is maybe the most important piece of my puzzle.

Hank was there. Kept cracking fucking blind jokes. I tried to ignore him but he kept throwing peanut shells at me every time I started to doze off.” I run an agitated hand through my hair. “I was just fucking …” “Heartbroken,” Olivia whispers. “Yeah.” My voice cracks as I hug her tighter.

I think back to that moment, the one that saved my life, and maybe so many more. I remember those light blue eyes moving over me, the fury that I’ve only seen Hank wear that one time as he slipped off his stool, his hands moving over my chest until he found the neck of my shirt and gripped it. “‘I know you’re not about to drive, Mr. Beckett,’ he said. ‘You’ve had way too much to drink and have too much to lose. There are people here who depend on you. Don’t make a stupid decision that you’ll regret the rest of your life, if you even live to see it, just because you’re hurting right now.’”

“I’m so thankful for Hank and Ireland and you.” “Me?” She nods. “For letting me see the real Carter Beckett. For being the type of man who carries his mom to bed. For having a man in his eighties who loves dirty books as one of your best friends. I’m grateful to be here with you.”

She turns her smile on me. “Are you trying to charm me, Mr. Beckett?” “I’ve been trying since I met you.”

“I haven’t been with anyone but you, Ollie. It’s just you for me. Nobody else.” Her hand settles on my cheek. “There’s nobody but you, Carter.”

World’s Sexiest Man ur still my princess, even if ur mad at me 4 showing u off *kiss emoji* *heart emoji*

“Well, you’ll never find out, because you’ll never meet him.” Jeremy pushes back from the table, picking up his plate and mine, even though I’m not finished yet. I lunge for it, but he spins away. “Auntie Ollie is breaking up with him.” A loud, disbelieving, that’s-fucking-hilarious laugh escapes me. “Absolutely not.” First of all, tell that to Carter. Secondly, no. No freaking way. I like him, I have him, I want to keep him.

Jeremy laughs, a tired sound, as he drags both hands down his face. “You can’t honestly believe you’re the girl Carter Beckett is going to change for.” The snide remark wraps around my heart, squeezing like a vise. Because to me, that sounds a whole lot like you’re not enough.

when Jeremy walks me to the door later he hands me his Vipers jersey, the one with Carter’s last name on it. “What the hell do you want me to do with this?” He grumbles at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. “Pardon?” Jeremy throws his hands in the air. “I said can you get your stupid boyfriend to sign my stupid jersey!”

“Remember how it looks to be surrounded by girls who throw themselves at you. Doing nothing isn’t enough. You have to actively do anything but nothing.” “What the hell does that mean?” “It means it’s easy for someone to snap a picture of you standing next to a girl who’s touching your arm and headline it ‘Carter Beckett: Cheating Already.’ Be aware, that’s all. You have someone else to think about now. A picture like that would embarrass Olivia.” “Right.” I honestly couldn’t feel more dense right now. How is it that I need to have this explained to me at twenty-seven? Either way, I’m thankful for his warning, because the second we sit, a girl throws herself in my lap. I’m not sure my reaction is the best. I throw my hands in the air and scream, accidentally shoving her off my lap and to the ground when I rocket to my feet and yell out, “I have a girlfriend!”

Olivia’s not your girlfriend. She’s a girl you’re dating, which means you’re getting to know each other, seeing if you’re compatible, if the feelings are real enough to turn this into an actual relationship.” What the fuck? I already know we’re compatible. She’s not afraid to call me out on my shit and I’m not afraid to put her in her place. Which, last night, was on the ground while I fucked her senseless. Also, she laughs at all my jokes. And her smile makes my own grow. And her hand feels really nice tucked into mine. Like, perfect. Plus, I can swallow her entire body up in my arms when I hug her. And feelings? I know mine are real enough.

“Are you happy, honey?” Heat creeps up my neck. “I’m out, Mom.” “Answer the question, Carter.” “Yes.” “Yes what?” I drum my fingers on the table. I’d like to say nobody’s paying me any attention, but there are three sets of eyes glued on me. Four, if you count the girl on Garrett’s lap. And that’s not counting the people around us who can’t believe they’re in the same bar as the Vancouver Vipers. So I hold my phone closer to my mouth and grumble out what she wants to hear. “Pardon me? I didn’t hear you.” “Yes, I’m happy!”

“I only have room for one goofy, demanding, arrogant man in my life.” I run a palm down my proud chest. “And it’s me?” “It’s you, Mr. Beckett.” I whoop my fist through the air. “Undefeated, baby!” Oooh-ho-ho, no one’s as good at making Olivia laugh as I am, I swear. “I miss you,” I tell her quietly. “Is that weird? Should I be telling you that? Or keeping it to myself? You don’t have to say it back. Don’t be pressured or anything. I just—” “Carter.” “Yeah?” Olivia lays her cheek on her pillow, her smile sleepy and sweet. “I miss you too.”

“Carter?” she calls suddenly, the words thick with sleep. Her eyes are still closed, and I think she might be dreaming. “Yeah, princess?” “What if I fall in love with you?” “Then I’ll fall with you, too, Ollie girl.”

Nothing is more adorable than Carter when he’s anxious and rambling. Regardless of being a natural at this dating stuff despite never having done it before, it’s clear he’s so out of his element, second-guessing everything he says or does.

I can’t wait to see you Friday, Ollie. I’m gonna score you a goal and blow you a kiss on national television.” “I could definitely do without the national television bit.” He flashes me that devilish grin, hitting me with a wink before we hang up, which is not the reassurance I was looking for. Then my phone buzzes, and I sigh at the text. World’s Sexiest Man on a scale of 1-10, how mad will u be if i call u princess on national TV?

“I like you so much,” he blurts. “I like everything about you. Is that right? Is it okay to tell you how much I like you or am I supposed to keep it to myself? Tell you once and never talk about it again? Tell you every single day? I don’t know, Ollie; I’m new at this. All I know is I really wanted to tell you, and also, I’m super fucking terrified.” He rests his forehead against mine and breathes. When his eyes open, the fear in them tells me I’m not alone. “I don’t wanna mess this up.” I turn my head, kissing the inside of the palm that rests against my cheek. “I like you so much, too, Carter. And I don’t think you’ll mess it up. You’re already so great at it.”

This intensity that vibrates between us, the magnetism that draws us closer and closer, it’s as confusing as it is addicting. I can’t find a pause button, and it’s daunting. You’re not supposed to fall this quickly.

“I wanna be your anything.” His hand glides up my belly and closes over my throat, angling my face toward his, his movements never slowing. “How about my everything?” My heart stops beating at those simple words. Carter doesn’t dare tear his gaze off mine as he keeps moving, driving forward, panting. His forehead creases, eyes closing for only the briefest moment before his mouth devours mine in a kiss so fierce, so hungry, I feel it right down to the tips of my toes. I cry out his name, and he buries mine in my neck when the world shatters around us.

He wanted me to stop seeing you.” “Oh.” His gaze falls, but I touch his cheek, bringing him back to me. “Then I told him how happy you make me, and that was all that mattered.” Green eyes move eagerly between mine. “Yeah? I really make you happy?” I grin, so wide my cheeks hurt. “What do you think?” His own grin is detonating as he brings my lips to his. “I think I love your smile more than anything in this world.”

“I’m so lucky to be the man who gets to keep you by his side, Ollie.” Burying his face in my neck, Carter makes a soft, happy noise. “Goodnight, pumpkin. Like you.” “Like you, too, Carter.”

I think he’s asleep when I’m ready to leave a half hour later, so I don’t bother saying good-bye. That’s a mistake; he screams my name from bed when I open the front door. I lean against the bedroom door. “You rang, sir?” He reaches up, curling his fingers into his palms. “Need a hug and a kiss.” Oh my God, he’s adorable.

The bright display on my counter has my stomach somersaulting. Pink, orange, and yellow tulips fill a glass vase, but it’s the note that makes me happiest. Pretty and bright, just like you. Can’t wait to wake up with you this weekend. Like you lots, Carter

“You never ask for anything,” she rasps, bucking against my hand as I push two fingers inside her. “Nah, only for you to be mine.” Her hand curves over my nape as she angles her face toward mine, begging for a kiss. I give it to her, because I always will. “I’m yours.”

What kind of celebration do we think Olivia will enjoy best when I score for her tonight? The obvious answer is a sneaky wink, but she chose me, so she has to know she chose flash. I do everything with flare, not in the shadows.

So I do. I point my stick at her, bring my glove to my lips, and blow Olivia the biggest, loudest smooch I can muster, sending it out into the arena as the crowd goes wild. Her cherry red face lights up the jumbotron for the second time in her life, and because I’ll never learn my lesson, I scream, “That’s my fucking princess!”

“You’re still talking, but I’m not the one bleeding.”

“Never thought I’d see the day where Carter Beckett fought over a girl. Was it worth it?” “She’ll always be worth it.” “Whatever it takes to keep your girl safe?” “Whatever it takes.” A promise I intend to keep.

“Leaving already?” Courtney purrs. “Shame.” Carter tenses, his mouth opening, presumably to tell her to go fuck herself. That’s what I want to say, at least. So I put my hand on his chest and beat him to it. “You’re a bitch,” I tell Courtney, though I suspect she knows as much. “You’re rude and miserable and I don’t know what right you think you have to pull the shit you did.” Her jaw clenches, eyes searching for Adam across the crowded bar. “Adam deserves so much better than you; I hope one day he realizes that. Touch my boyfriend without his consent again, and it’ll be an entirely different conversation.”

And you know what I’d do, Olivia?” His nose touches mine, trailing the length of it. “I’d hold you. I’d kiss you. I’d tell you it was okay, that I forgive you for the words you said when you were hurting and scared. Then I’d ask you to forgive me for acting without thinking, for bringing you back here and contributing to a narrative that only feeds your fears.” With a low sigh, Carter sinks back against the seat, letting his head fall backward. “You wanna fight, get your self-doubt out, that’s fine. But you’re gonna do it with me, at my house, together.” His searing stare swings my way. “I refuse to let you push me away again.”

“What are you scared of?” “I’m scared this is it, that you’re it for me. And while that thought is scary enough, nothing is scarier than the thought that I might not get to keep you, that you might one day walk away and I’ll have to let you because all I want is for you to be happy.”

“I can’t change my past, but if you give me the chance, I can change my future. But I need all of you, Ollie. Not half of you.” I watch the scrape of my thumb along her lower lip. “I know I flip your world upside down. You fucking demolish mine. Please, let me in. Let me see you. Let me have you. All of you.” “I don’t want to hide anymore,” she whispers. “I’m tired.” “If you want obsession, fierce appreciation, wild, unrestrained passion … If you want fucking magic, Ollie, then it’s me. Let it be me.” The soft brush of our lips sends a thrill down my spine. “Let’s be scared together.”

“We fought already.” “It’s called passion, Ollie. Wild and unrestrained. Eruptive. I don’t want a love that’s anything other than crazy, and crazy about you is the only way I know to describe how I feel.” My heart smiles at the way her face lights, and I stroke my thumb over the flush of her high cheekbone, the perfect bow of her top lip. “I see the fire in your eyes and all I wanna do is fuel it. Light me up, set my soul on fire. I’m yours.”

She exhales a happy sigh. “Like you so much.” “Like you so much too.” Other words want to leave my mouth, words that scare and thrill me simultaneously. Words that come with a meaning so deep, a connection that screams forever. It feels too soon and yet, it’s as if they knocked on my door and I let them in without hesitation. Is this what it feels like? Wanting to share all your pieces, the good ones and the not-so-good ones? Wanting to take her hand in yours and hold tight as you take each step forward? Steps into the unknown, the dark and the light, where we tackle fears together and come out stronger each time. I trace the soft lines of Olivia’s face beneath the fragments of moonlight that stream across her, and I know. I brush my knuckles across her cheekbone, and when her lashes don’t flutter, I whisper the words against her skin. “I think I love you, Ollie.”

“Bacon because you love it. Fruit and yogurt because they’re sweet like you. Blueberry bagel with cinnamon spread because Cara said it’s your favorite. And tea because coffee makes your stomach hurt.”

“My mom always told me that these things don’t come easily, that you have to work for the love and the life you want. The hard parts are challenging, but we get through them, and everything else with you feels natural, and I … I want to work with you. I want to build a life we love.” With those words replaying in my mind, I don’t make it long enough to hear him sing his song, and I’m not sure what time it is when I feel him lay me down on the cushions, his body molding around mine. The heat of his palm warms my belly when it slips beneath my shirt, and soft lips find my ear. “You’re my favorite everything, Ollie.”