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November 30 - December 10, 2025
“What if she uses her evil whore sex magic to lure him away forever? Like one of those school teacher ladies?”
“We met her when she was trying to invade a circus, and she gave Carl an erection so bad, he had to break his finger to make it go away. How about you?”
“I’m going to kill your mother. And Pawna is a big liar. She plays all innocent and virginal, but she’s into soaking. Look it up.”
Violence breeds chaos. From chaos we were born and into chaos we will succumb.”
Samantha: DON’T SLUT SHAME ME. I’M GOING TO KILL YOUR MOTHER.
“What in the gods’ name did you do?” Mordecai asked. “Carl gave Vrah gonorrhea!” Donut cried.
New Achievement! It itches when I pee! You infected another combatant with a venereal disease. Good job there, Derek Jeter. I hope you bought them dinner first. Reward: You’ve received a Bronze condom. Use it next time.
“Stupid dog,” Donut muttered on the screen. “The only bridge you’ll be crossing today is made out of rainbows.”
Everybody likes carnage when it’s not them.”
“You never know what someone’s kinks are,” Donut said. “For example, I had no idea Katia was into furries.”
“Can you say something to calm him down?” “Carl is pooping! He’s almost done!” The crocodilian’s voice went up an octave. “In the hallway? Sir, this is not a bathroom! This is the skill guild hallway!” “Real helpful, Donut,”
“Again with the nut-kicking, Carl?” Donut said, looking down at the corpse. “The neck breaking thing was cool. I don’t know if that cancels the nut-kick out though.”
The velociraptor moonwalked back across the platform. He goddamn moonwalked.
Like all cats, Ferdinand’s biggest weakness is the fact he is utterly convinced that whatever thought enters his chicken nugget-sized brain is not just the truth, but it is the obvious, unalienable truth and anyone who thinks anything otherwise is not just a fool, but an imbecile deserving of nothing less than utter contempt and mockery.
She was silent for a moment, and then she asked the question I’d been dreading for a long time now. “Carl? Why doesn’t it hurt as much as it should?”
