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For a while in high school, we were inseparable, until we weren’t. Because that’s how things can go at that age.
yet I don’t regret it. Because, in the moment, I really wanted to kiss her. I may not know exactly why, but sometimes, the why comes after. The reason is still buried beneath the instinct to just do it. And I wanted to do it.
“But why did you kiss her?” He bumps his knee into mine. “What am I missing here, because I feel like there’s a crucial piece of information that I don’t have.” “I don’t know why I did it. We were having a moment and it was special and… I don’t know. I just really felt like kissing her.” “But… are you attracted to her? To women?” “To women?” I shrug. “No. I don’t know.” “Only to Devon?” “Fuck, Sam. I can’t analyze this right now. I don’t know what I feel.”
but I was too young to realize. Until I wasn’t. Until it hit me with such force. Fuck, I loved her so much.
We were so different then. Or maybe we’re still pretty much the same, because some things never change.
I am conflicted about this, but given the choice between thinking that I shouldn’t pursue this just because I’ve always believed I’m straight, and simply going for it because it feels so damn good… it’s not a hard choice to make.”
Something twitches in my stomach and in that moment, I know I will never fully get over her. That doesn’t mean I don’t have choices, however. We always have choices, no matter the situation.
