You've Reached Sam (You've Reached Sam, #1)

by Dustin Thao

“Don’t worry,” Sam says. “I can make you another one. I can make you a thousand more.”

“Julie … if I could stay with you, I’d never leave.” “But you did leave.” “I know … I’m sorry.” “You never said good-bye…” “That’s because I never thought I had to…”

“I know this wasn’t part of our plan, Julie. But at least we had this time together, right? I want you to know … if I could do it all over again, I would. Every second of it.” If the ending is this painful, I don’t know if this was worth it all.

I can’t keep you around, Sam. It makes me think you’re still here. That you’re coming back. That I might see you again.

I feel like my life didn’t start until I met you, Julie. You’re the best thing to happen to this small town. To me. I realize it doesn’t matter where we’re going next, as long as we’re together.

whatever happens, promise you won’t forget me, okay? Anyway, I love you, Julie, and always will. Yours forever, Sam

I miss Sam. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss knowing he would always answer me if I called.

“But I never wanted to say good-bye,” I manage to get out. “Then don’t. You don’t have to, okay? You don’t have to say it right now.”

“I’ll show you them another time. I promise.” He never kept that promise.

“I missed you, too. I missed you infinity.”

I don’t care how any of this is possible. I have Sam back. I don’t want to let him go.

“We have too many voices inside our heads. You have to pick out the ones that mean something to you. What story do you want to tell?”

“I wish you were here with me,” I whisper. “I wish I were there, too.”

“It really kills me, you know. That he never made it out of here. That this was it. That this line was as far as he got.”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” I whisper. After all this time, I finally found him. But I’m too late.

And oblivious to a future when one of us would be gone.

“I don’t know why I put in all this work. For what? At least Sam will never know how much of a failure I am.”

“I wish I could see it again,” Sam goes on. “I wish I was there with you. I wish I could see the look on your face…”

“There’s no one else I want to end up with. You’re still here, Sam. And that’s all that matters right now. Nothing else.” “Julie,” Sam says, somewhat tensely. “Don’t do this.” “Do what?” “Hold on to us,” he says. “As if we still have forever.”

“What if I don’t? What if I refuse to say it?” Sam lets out a breath. “So is that what you decided to do … to never say good-bye to me?” “That was always it, Sam. Since the day I met you…”

“Alright then. What would you wish for, if you could have anything?” “Anything?” “Anything at all.” “No limits?” “No limits.” I hesitate. “Do you really want to know?” “I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t,” Sam says. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I don’t have to think long because I already know the answer. “I wish you were here,” I say. “I wish you were lying right next to me. I wish I could look over and see you smiling back. I wish I could run a hand through your hair, and know you’re real. I wish we could finish school and graduate together. So we can finally leave this place like we always planned, and find an apartment somewhere, and figure out the rest of our lives together so I don’t have to do it alone. I wish you were alive again … and I wish I had picked up the phone that night, so that all this would be different, and everything would go back to before…”

It can mean something in our life is out of balance. Or maybe we’re holding in too much. Especially when we lose someone, dreams show us the opposite of what it is we need to find balance again.”

“I’m glad you guys finally gave each other a chance,” Sam says. I’m glad we did, too. If only it didn’t take losing you for it to happen.

I don’t want to open my eyes and see a world without Sam. But sometimes you just wake up. No matter how hard you try not to.

I try not to daydream anymore. It only tricks me with images of Sam, filling me with the possibility that we can still be together, that there’s a future for us, until reality comes in like a storm to blow everything away.

Sam is never coming back. But somehow I keep on waiting for him.

Letting go isn’t about forgetting. It’s balancing moving forward with life, and looking back from time to time, remembering the people in it.”

You are my entire world, Julie. And one day, maybe I’ll only be a small piece of yours. I hope you keep that piece.”

“I love you more than you can ever know, Julie. I’ll never forget the time we had together. So please don’t forget me, okay? Try to think of me from time to time. Even if it’s only for a moment. It would mean so much. You have no idea.”