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“There are several issues with joining a dating app. Starting with unsolicited dick pics. I’ll never understand why men assume we want images of their penis. I want to ride it, maybe lick it, but not because it’s nice to look at.”
I need to convince myself that you wouldn’t look perfect on your knees right here, right now. I wonder if she’d let me climb under the desk and hide between her legs for the next hour. Or two. I could clear my calendar.
No one ever wrote a play about a man who is so desperate to be something to a girl that he would settle for being her human bib. Never has there been a less swoony moment than this. Kill me now and on my tombstone, label me a complete fucking weirdo.
“And I show up to not one blind date, but three. All of whom are my fucking bosses. Cupid is an absolute dirty fucking cunt.”
He looks at me and smirks. “Sorry about this but try and keep your eyes on her tits. They are phenomenal.” My confusion clears up when he steps over my head. His ass is sitting against my headboard while his feet are on either side of my neck. I can see his nuts, swinging above me like a testicle pendulum of doom.
