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“There are several issues with joining a dating app. Starting with unsolicited dick pics. I’ll never understand why men assume we want images of their penis. I want to ride it, maybe lick it, but not because it’s nice to look at.”
“I do not drool. I’m a fucking lady.”
My reaction is instantaneous. And a little disgusting. To be fair, I’m not sure that spraying the wine in my mouth at her was something I could have prevented. You can’t drop a bomb like that casually and not expect a reaction. It's her fault. “You did what?” I’m shouting at her. Loudly. Because what the hell is wrong with her? “That’s fucking gross, Valley girl. You know the only time someone can spit in my face is if they have a hand around my neck. Rude.”
“And I show up to not one blind date, but three. All of whom are my fucking bosses. Cupid is an absolute dirty fucking cunt.”
“Val, there’s nothing wrong with an adventure. Even if it’s scary. Hell, the best adventures always are. If you’re not almost peeing your pants with worry, it’s probably not worth it.”
I look at Romeo. “What do you think?” He sighs. “I think I’m going to end up sharing my future wife with you two assholes.”
