Cupid Is A C♥nt (Holiday Hoemies #1)

by Drea Denae

For the ones who think that they are awkward. Puns are hilarious, it’s cute when you wheeze laugh and you should absolutely own theme sweaters for every holiday. You’re not awkward, you’re fucking awesome.

Are we best friends now? Because I feel like we are best friends now.

“When have I ever steered you wrong, Val?” It’s not the question that surprises me, I’ve heard some version of it for years now, but rather the delusional sincerity of her tone. I could easily recall three times in the last year that my best friend Noel has gotten me involved in one of her ludicrous messes. It’s as if her superpower is finding trouble.

She’s a tiny little demon elf who feeds on chaos and jingle balls.

I’ll never understand why men assume we want images of their penis. I want to ride it, maybe lick it, but not because it’s nice to look at.”

I need to convince myself that you wouldn’t look perfect on your knees right here, right now.

I wonder if she’d let me climb under the desk and hide between her legs for the next hour. Or two. I could clear my calendar.

Romeo. Hart. Beau. Each of them stands to greet me with panty dropping smiles. Speaking of panties, I’ll need new ones. How does someone get lucky enough to end up with three bosses who look like they should be on the covers of romance novels? No idea. Bodies? Rideable. Faces? Sittable. Dicks? I haven’t seen them, but I'm betting they are fuckable. And lickable.

Then again, when he says team, I hear train. And now I’m thinking about my bosses running a train on me. Is that on everyone’s fantasy list or just mine? Only with them though. It’s the group dynamic the three of them have going on. Their teamwork makes my wet dreams work.

“And I show up to not one blind date, but three. All of whom are my fucking bosses. Cupid is an absolute dirty fucking cunt.”