“You should have seen how I came home,” I whispered. “I got accosted by a loose pig while I was there—don’t ask. My dress was caked in mud. I had a snout print directly on my ass, goat fur all over me. Then I stepped in a pile of dog poop in my black Manolos. The motion sensor lights went on and I panicked, so I ran and left it there.” “You left your shoe,” she deadpanned. “Like Cinderella.” “Yeah. I did. And the hoodie I was wearing was camouflage.” “So you came home in a muddy two-thousand-dollar dress wearing one shoe and your fuck buddy’s camo hoodie.”
