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How could I know at that moment that the lemon tree and the promise we’d just made would only survive a few more summers?
Welita had said that if she’d cried in front of her, then the woman would have known the power she’d had over her. She’d always told us that people who hurt us don’t deserve our tears.
All I meant is that it’s not your fault they wanted you to be their token Latina at the agency. That’s on them. You have every right to call out their prejudiced assumptions because they deserve it.”
Not because I wasn’t proud of my Mexican heritage. Sometimes I was just too tired to defend it. Even in the first grade, I learned it was much easier if you didn’t talk with an accent and didn’t bring egg burritos to school for lunch. Then, in college, I suffered a whole new identity crisis. I was constantly scolded by strangers who would look at my brown skin and not understand why my Spanish was limited. It didn’t matter to them that we spoke English at home because my dad was trying to learn the language. Instead, they told me in English, “Your parents should be ashamed of themselves.” I
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As a kid, I was ashamed about not being white enough. But as an adult, I was ashamed for not being Mexican enough. In fact, I was so not Mexican that a privileged white racist asshole felt comfortable enough to date me.
“Ay, Marisol. When will you learn that living with something you don’t love is not living at all?”
it. A gift is a gift, and you should always be grateful for anything someone gives you out of love. The day you tell someone what to give you is the day you no longer get gifts out of love, but rather obligation. Well, for me, I’d rather have the love.”
sometimes holding on to only the bad things that happened to us leaves us too tired to enjoy the good.”
Tony was making me feel all sorts of things, but none of them were bad. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t anxious. I felt safe with Tony.
I never knew how satisfying it could be to have that kind of power to give pleasure to another person.
Satisfied, I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy my moment of no regrets.
Sometimes, you find the strength to do what scares you most if you believe your life will be better because of it.”
Welita, on the other hand, had fought to overcome so many obstacles in her life. She did what needed to be done and made sure her voice was always heard. She was a force to be reckoned with, a tsunami even. Meanwhile, I’d spent my life trying hard to not make any waves. How had I become such a doormat? If I let them bully me or shame me now, then I didn’t deserve her cross. It was time to be a tsunami.
It’s funny how you only come to appreciate things when it’s time to leave them behind.
