M Is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood

by Abbie Halberstadt

Difficulties emerge when instead of acknowledging that some emotions are legitimate and warranted while others are fueled by hormones, lack of sleep, or a recent viewing of Steel Magnolias, we insist that our feelings are our “truth.” “I feel, therefore I am” is a tricky declaration at best. After all, if we feel angry, does that then define us? The same question applies to fear, jealousy, sadness, or even happiness. What happens when our feelings suddenly shift? And yet terrifyingly, in modern culture, I see feelings touted as the primary determinant of what we believe, how we choose our careers, the number of kids we have, how we school them, whether we stay faithful to our marriages, which gender we “identify as,” and on and on. The motto “If it feels good, do it” has been around for ages. But lately, “If it feels bad, don’t do it” might be leading the charge as the subconscious catchphrase of the day. This is a sobering consideration when so much of motherhood consists of doing things because they are right, even when they “feel bad” (pushing babies out of our bodies, getting up at night to feed them, making nutritious food when we’re tired, giving the hug when we’re “touched out,” to name a few). The payoff is well worth the pain, but how will we ever find that out for ourselves if we’re so busy avoiding emotional and physical discomfort that we never try?