I could not create space for looking at what I had done wrong—the times I had been impatient or unkind, the times I had not considered cultural difference, the times I had monitored areas of the library at length from a surveillance camera because someone was new and unfamiliar, the ways I had potentially harmed my coworkers, the unending list of minor and major interpersonal transgressions—because the reckoning and the subsequent guilt felt awful.
