Notes on Heartbreak

by Annie Lord

I remember now what I forgot before. That to have power you have to have someone to be powerful over. That’s what I am for him. I bend so that he can climb on my back and stand taller. In that way I make the power. Really, it is mine. If I said no, there would be nothing. No one would ascend and we would both be crawling around on the floor. But I want him to be tall, so I think about becoming the carpet he sinks his toes into. The table he rests his feet on. Everything is a yes. I am one enormous big fat walking yes. Shame or embarrassment – ‘I don’t think I can do that’ – becomes me doing that very thing on a plate. I stretch out, I open up. I fit more of him in my mouth than I ever have before. I spit and gag. I roll over. He says, ‘Jump,’ and I say, ‘How high?’ and together we reach the stars.