If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe (John Dies at the End, #4)

by Jason Pargin

Depression means expending all your energy to avoid having to expend energy. I wish someone would invent a pill that would give me the motivation to go pick up my Lexapro refill.

They wanted it to always be at the back of your mind, almost as if some forms of modern entertainment are really about creating a continuous sense of low-level anxiety.

He waved his cursor up to the search bar and shouted a series of terms, looking for prior incidents of kids feeding human parts to their Magpies. He found the news story Amy had referenced earlier, the gang of kids in Florida who had taken a homeless man’s teeth. The kids actually insisted they had paid the homeless man to pull the teeth out himself, though that was almost worse. Man, Florida seemed like a terrifying place.

“It’s not about the money. It’s about what kind of conversation he’ll want to avoid. You mention psychics and, well, that’s silly female stuff. You mention drugs, and it’s time to start yelling and grounding everyone. All wives have secrets. All wives learn how to navigate their husbands’ rage.”