If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe (John Dies at the End, #4)

by Jason Pargin

Depression means expending all your energy to avoid having to expend energy. I wish someone would invent a pill that would give me the motivation to go pick up my Lexapro refill.

It’s what people say now, like when a party gets out of control and stuff gets broken, the kids are like, ‘Man, that shindig was hella da filthy, hog-swingers.’”

But in moments like this, all that matters is that it almost always works if you have chosen the right music. It must be a piece that instills the same joyous thrum of the soul in any human who hears it, one that transcends time, culture, and language. The particular track Amy had locked and loaded on her phone was “Regulate” by Warren G, featuring Nate Dogg.

I turned to find an elderly couple, both wearing T-shirts, both completely nude from the waist down. They were sweaty, like they’d been interrupted in the act of oldfucking.