If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe (John Dies at the End, #4)

by Jason Pargin

It was a skill one could acquire with practice, the way mechanics can tell what repairs your car needs just by looking at how expensive your shoes are.

At our level, you don’t get to think beyond this month’s bills. Looking too far ahead is dangerous, like trying to read a map while you’re driving. So we get locked into a loop where the best possible future is one that looks exactly like our present.

a day that was hotter than a deep-fried tractor tire.

The day was hotter than Ghost Rider’s curling iron.

the day was as hot as Godzilla’s meth pipe.