If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe (John Dies at the End, #4)

by Jason Pargin

So now I was sitting on my kitchen floor, eating rubbery room-temperature pizza and reading about how, in Ireland, they routinely find four-thousand-year-old containers of butter that ancient tribes had sunk into the bog for preservation. It’s still edible; people have actually tried it. Surprisingly, they say it tastes like shit.

Going down a rabbit hole and finding out that 2000+ year old swamp butter is not only real, but also edible is sending me into an early midlife crisis

Depression means expending all your energy to avoid having to expend energy. I wish someone would invent a pill that would give me the motivation to go pick up my Lexapro refill.