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by
Paul Millerd
Started reading
October 25, 2023
What could be some benefits of an attempt or partial success? What is the cost of inaction in three months, 12 months, and in a few years?
People who value comfort and security often cannot understand why anyone would willingly pursue a path that increases discomfort and uncertainty.
Rebecca Solnit supplies the words I didn’t have at the time: That thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you is usually what you need to find, and finding it is a matter of getting lost.77
The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote about this more than 2,500 years ago in the Tao Te Ching: “Less and less do you need to force things until finally you arrive at non‑action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.”78
“If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”79
a world‑class hoop‑jumper.
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”80
So I might add to Steinbeck’s advice: nothing good gets away, as long as you create the space to let it emerge.
The incommunicable trees begin to persuade us to live with them, and quit our life of solemn trifles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
First, people become aware of their own suffering. Often we don’t notice our drift into a state of low‑grade anxiety until we step away from what causes it,
create a “structured sabbatical” to untangle her identity from her work. She asked herself, “What if I took work … working for a paycheck, what if I took that out of the center of my life, what would my life look like?”
Second, curiosity re‑emerges. When people have time, they try new activities, revisit old hobbies, explore childhood curiosities, and start volunteering and connecting with people in their community.
Third, people often desire to continue their “non‑work” journey.
Fourth, people write.
were all surprised by how different life feels when it is not structured around work.
our previous paths had kept the possibilities for our lives hidden, and in a short time, we started to recapture a youthful energy, one that enabled us all to take bold steps towards different kinds of lives.
when people stop working, they struggle to replace the meaning and joy they got from their work.
On the pathless path, retirement is neither a destination nor a financial calculation, but a continuation of a life well-lived.
“Why not take the usual 20–30‑year retirement and redistribute it throughout life instead of saving it all for the end?”88
He described these as an “anti‑vacation” and “though it can be relaxing, the mini‑retirement is not an escape from your life but a reexamination of it—the creation of a blank slate.”89 While designing these breaks into his life he asked himself three questions: How do your decisions change if retirement isn’t an option? What if you could use a mini‑retirement to sample your future plans now? Is it really necessary to commit fully to work to live like a millionaire?
The spirit of the mini‑retirement is not about escaping work. It is about testing different circumstances to see if you want to double down on them or change directions.
these intense periods of learning, creativity, and work followed by periods of rest provide a sustainable and energizing way to stay on this path over the long term.
the answer is not to abandon goals altogether but to take them more seriously and to put more thought into identifying unique fixed points, ones that align with the things that bring us alive.
In his book, On Liberty, published in 1859, John Stuart Mill was giving similar advice, arguing that societies need people to embrace their individuality and perform “experiments in living.” He argued that such experiments are vital to the pursuit of knowledge and that cultures only learn and evolve when original approaches to living are discovered. Mill wanted people to act on their inspiration because “the worth of different modes of life should be proved practically when anyone thinks fit to try them.”91 By choosing a unique and personal fixed point, in Mill’s view, you are not only raising
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I’m orienting my work around taking every seventh week off from work no matter what. This was inspired by tech entrepreneur Sean McCabe, who adopted the policy for himself and eventually, his entire company.93
The secret to doing good research is always to be a little underemployed. You waste years by not being able to waste hours. — Amos Tversky
“misery tax.” This is the spending an unhappy worker allocates to things that “keep you going and keep you functioning in the job.”96 For me, it was a mixture of alcohol, expensive food, and vacations, and as the amount inched up during my career, I started to believe that my spending was the reason I was working.
“What is your rich life?”
When we work full‑time, employers are paying for our dedication and commitment to the job as a central part of our life.
Opting out of work and opting in to other aspects of your life can create questions about who you used to be.
Vicky Robin argues in her book Your Money or Your Life, that “money is something we choose to trade our life energy for,” it is nearly impossible to give up your time for money without thinking deeply about the trade-offs.97
Having faith is admitting that you don’t have all the answers for what comes next. Another phrase I’ve found useful to describe this state of mind is what the spiritual teacher Tara Brach calls “radical acceptance,” which she says “is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.”
the longer it takes to move towards a path that is.
the right response is not to restructure my life to make these worries disappear. It’s to develop a capacity to sit with those anxieties, focus on what I can control, and to open myself up to the world.
“whatever takes us to our edge, to our outer limits, leads us to the heart of life’s mystery, and there we find faith.”99
People have the notion of saving the world by shifting things around, changing the rules, and who’s on top, and so forth. No, no! Any world is a valid world if it’s alive. The thing to do is to bring life to it, and the only way to do that is to find in your own case where the life is and become alive yourself. – Joseph Campbell
the arrival fallacy, the idea that when we reach a certain milestone we will reach a state of lasting happiness.104
Eleanor Roosevelt once argued that “when you adopt the standards and the values of someone else or a community… you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being.”105
The better way is what I call the “second chapter of success” in which you shift your mindset from what you lack to what you have to offer, from ambition to aspiration, and from hoping that joy will result from a specific outcome to experiencing it as a byproduct of your journey.
deep down I knew that the underlying skill I was being rewarded for was my ability to hack the system.
A lot of former consultants who become freelancers are surprised at how much less time it takes to do the same work.
William Deresiewicz’s essay, “The Disadvantages of An Elite Education.’’
“This is not just a lesson for individuals to unlearn, but one for society to unlearn, and we’ll be amazed at the energy that’s liberated when we do.”112
We had a lively discussion, the kind that leaves you with more energy than when you arrived.
I wanted more of that, which motivated me to keep writing. This also exposed me to a new kind of prestige that I wasn’t allergic to – recognition from other people who are passionate about ideas.
give generously and share everything you know.
their willingness to support others and share in extensive detail how they make money and how they think about their lives.
But below this flashy surface, many people are seeking out smaller and quieter communities where they can earn prestige in a way that suits their lives.
Seth Godin argues that humans are wired “to become a member in good standing of the tribe”
surround ourselves with people that inspire us and push us to improve in the ways we care about. The longer I’ve stayed on this path and the more effort I’ve put into connecting with people heading in similar directions, the better my life has become.
