Forever After All

by Catharina Maura

“I’ve spent my entire life loving people that didn’t love me back. I won’t do it again. I won’t. Not even for you.”

“I know, honey. I know it does. You’ve been so strong, so brave, for so long. Elena, my darling, I’m so proud of you.”

What would I have done if I did? I’d have been all alone, without a single person who truly loved me. Without anything to live for.

It’s not fun I’ll tell you that

“Come on, sweetie. Crying on the floor of your old bedroom isn’t going to help you. Let’s go.” “Where are we going?” Mom smiles. “To Jade’s room.”

“Come on,” she tells me, smiling. I stare at her with wide eyes but follow her lead. Before long we’re both throwing Jade’s belongings against the wall, wide smiles on our faces.

Mom picks up a small jewelry tray that smashes into hundreds of pieces, and we both burst out laughing.

Mom sighs, looking like a weight was just lifted off her shoulder. “That felt so good,” she says, wrapping her arms around me. “Feel better?” I nod and drop my head to her shoulder. “So much better.”

“Good,” mom says. “Now that you’ve got that out of your system, you might finally be able to think clearly.”

“She leaves me and takes my family with her. Fucking ridiculous.” I walk past them, my shoulder slamming into Lucian’s angrily. “Alexander,” my grandfather says. I pause and turn to look at him. “I told you, didn’t I? You let her go, you’ll regret it.”

THAT’S RIGHT GRANDPA

Lucian nods. He hasn’t spoken a word to me since Elena left, and even my mother seems to be disappointed in me. I don’t know why the fuck they blame me when it’s Elena that walked out on me. On us.

You really are ducking stupid huh

I know how hard it is for you to love. I know, Alexander, because throughout our entire relationship I did all I could to pierce the armor that surrounds your heart, and I failed. But Elena? She did it without even trying.”

“So, I’ll do the right thing, despite what my heart desires. I want you to be happy, Alexander. Truly happy. The way you smiled when you were with Elena? I want that for you, and I know I can never give you that.”

“You… you… asshole!” she yells. “It’s been two weeks and you’re already back with her, plastering photos of the two of you getting intimate all over the tabloids. Two weeks, Alexander. I know you don’t care about me, but did you need to rub it in that way? Did you need to publicly humiliate me?”

What the actual fuck

Elliot has taken extra care to keep us out of the news as best as he can. There isn’t much that doesn’t go through him first. Unless… unless he screwed me over.

“Forget that happened,” she snaps. “Sign the goddamn papers and let’s be done with this.” She walks to the door and opens it forcefully.

“Just sign the papers, Alexander. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sick of being reminded of the way you used to love her, and probably still do. I’m tired. I’m done. I’m done coming second to the memory of her.”

“Never,” I tell her. “I’ll never sign. If you won’t be with me, I’ll make it impossible for you to ever marry someone else. I’ll never let you go.”

“Alexander Kennedy, flustered. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“She’s going on a date tomorrow, you know? She’s moving on. It’s about time. It’s been a month since you two separated.”

“Elena has had a tough life so far. She deserves to be loved, to be spoiled. She deserves to be swept off her feet. And you… you can’t give her what she needs, can you?”

“I know it’s fucking selfish. I fucking know. But fuck. I can’t live without you. I can’t let you walk into someone else’s arms.”

“You always ask me about three good things that happened during my day, but baby, everything good in my life is you. The three best things to have happened in my entire life were meeting you, marrying you… and falling in love with you.”

“When I met you, I thought love was a fucking sham. I wanted no part of it. I didn’t think love could last.”

“Elena, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be good enough for you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be what you need. All I know is that I love you. I would rather spend a year with you than a lifetime without you. I’m willing to give you everything, Elena. I’m willing to give you my heart, and trust that you won’t break it. But even if you do, baby, even if you tear my heart apart, you’re worth it. You’re worth everything.”

“You won’t go on that date, will you?” I blink, startled, and sit up to look at him. “What date?”

Smooooothbmomma

“Your mother told me you’re moving on. She said you’re going on a date with someone, and I want that for you, Elena. I do. I want you to be happy. But I… I think I can be the one to make you happy.”

The feel of him, these arms… they feel like home to me. But just like my childhood home, Alexander is toxic.

“You were going to let me go. You didn’t want me until you thought someone else did. You don’t want me, Alec, but you don’t want anyone else to have me either. That’s not love. It just isn’t.”

Alexander. I’m not something to be owned, I’m not an object you can label as yours.”

“I deserve more, Alec. I deserve everything I’ve given you. I’m done settling for less, and I’m done telling myself that I need to be happy with the few scraps of affection people throw my way. I’m done with you.”

I walk out on him, on us.

Mom denies it, but I know she’s colluding with him.

The three best things that happened today were the following: 1. Catching you sneak a glimpse at me from your bedroom window this morning 2. Writing you this note. It makes me feel like I still get to talk to you, even though you blocked me everywhere. Seriously, baby, unblock me. I miss you. 3. Loving you. Spending my days loving you makes every day great by default

Oh brother

I see her every time I close my eyes, but she… she’s moving on.

As people do Alexander

The idea of her being with someone else makes me violently angry, it makes me want to chain her to me. But I can’t be selfish with her. Not ever again.

“Did he kiss you goodnight before walking you to your car?”

I’ve been in such a bad state that my grandfather has had to step back in at work.

I look at her, and it hits me. I lost her.

I lost the one good thing in my life, and I only have myself to blame.

“Will you dance with me?” I ask, my voice soft. If tonight is the last time I get to hold her, then I have to make the most of it. Elena turns to look at me, startled. “Here?”

UGH JUST LIKE WHEN THEY FIRST MET AGAIN VIQ CD JOWZ PJAZ WXPIB

“You and I danced in that cramped little space at Inferno, so why not?”

she laughs when I twirl her around. “We still can’t dance for shit,” she says,

A kiss… I have no fucking right.

“Come on, Buttercup,” I whisper. “I’ll take you home.”

I’ll do as you asked. I’ll let you go.” Fear grips me at his words. “Why? Why so suddenly?”

GIRL IM SICK OF THIS. IRS NOT A GAME TO HIM BUT IT SURE IS A GAME TO YOU

“Elena, what do you want me to say? I’m at a loss here. I love you. I love you with my entire fucked up heart. I love you, okay? Does it hurt to know you’ve been with someone else when you’re the only thing I can think of? Yes. It fucking does. You cheated on me by going on that date and whatever the fuck else you’ve done, because whether you like it or not, you’re still my goddamn wife. Despite that, I’d take you back in a fucking second, because I fucking love you!”

Cheating is the one thing Alec would never condone, yet he would, for me?

I swear to god I would shoot you if I could girl

“I love you, Elena. I don’t even know when it happened. I wanted you to be mine from the second I laid my eyes on you at Inferno. It started off as mere possessiveness, and before I knew it, you had me enthralled. You stole my heart day by day, and I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize that you fucking own me, until you left.”

I was never good enough for you, and I never will be. I’ll do as you asked, Elena. I’ll let you go. It’ll kill me to do it, but I’ll sign the papers. I’ll set you free.”

I grab his hand, and he pauses, his eyes filling with hesitant hope. “Thank you,”

WHAT THE FUCK ELENA