Cinder-Nanny

by Sariah Wilson

“He’s a British lord.” “Does that mean he’s a count? ‘One, two, three British lords, ah, ah, ah,’”

“And if he’s not there, maybe look around for a good guy. One who won’t clean out your bank account and steal your cat and then ghost you.”

He was another in a long line of men I’d dated for too long in some kind of perverse desire to see just how red he could make his flags before I bailed.

It wouldn’t take much for her to figure out that the only French I knew was a dirty lyric from a famous song and the words used by Miss Piggy.

I was this confusing mix of insecurity and distrust,

I hit the ground so hard it was like my soul temporarily left my body.

I turned to see a ridiculously handsome twentysomething man staring down at me with concern. Like the kind where he was so good-looking that he didn’t seem real. My eyes were drooling. Or maybe crying over his hotness.

“My deepest and sincerest apologies, my lady, for any injury, fake or otherwise, that I might have caused you.”

Although, now that I have your shoe, according to fairy-tale law, I get to keep you.”

“Is saving damsels in distress part of your earl thing?” “Yes, but only if they’re in mild distress. Dropping a mobile, losing a shoe. There’s a special license required to slay a dragon.”

Gorgeous. Handsome. Perfect. The kind of face that would make a nun forsake her vows.

“Pleased to meet you, Diana Parker. You have a lovely name.” “Thanks. I got it for my birthday.”

“I hope alternate-reality me understands what a lucky sod he is.” “I’m sure alternate-reality me is making sure of it.”

decided to let him in, but to make him stay in the front entryway. Where we would stand with several feet of distance between us. Remaining vertical so that I wouldn’t be tempted to go horizontal.

“I can turn the charm down, but I don’t believe I can turn it off completely,”

“What’s wrong with you?” “A great deal, I’m sure. What specifically were you curious about?”

It wasn’t Griffin’s fault that my ovaries wanted to throw a parade every time I saw him. I could control myself.

“Radical honesty?” he repeated. “Is that where you get to just insult people and not worry about the consequences?”

I don’t need to jump because I’ve already hurtled out of an airplane ten thousand miles up and am currently plummeting to that conclusion.”

And do you know what the moral of Cinderella is?” “Always wear great shoes because great shoes can change your whole life?”

The best things in life sometimes come from the absolute worst experiences.

“You’re incredibly talented,” he told me. “I can see the joy it gives you, so I hope you do keep pursuing it. And if you’re ever in need of a model, let me know. I specialize in nudes.”

I didn’t tell him that my sporting equipment had consisted of a tennis racket missing most of its strings and a chewed-up Frisbee.

“As far as your previous mistakes go . . . you have heard that making the same mistake over and over is called a decision?”

I was normally so good at protecting myself. Which was due to the fact that I assumed every man I met was going to screw me over at some point and I hadn’t been disappointed in this belief yet.

“It’s so cold out here I could fart snowflakes!”

“Are you flirting with me to get out of trouble?” I asked. “Bunny, I’m flirting with you to get into trouble.”

“What are these spikes for? Do I use them to stab you for making me fall?”

“I’m not really the arrogant sort. I’m more like one of those animals who show off to land a potential mate.” “So you’re peacocking me?” I asked, ignoring the thrill his words gave me. “Only if it’s working.”

Every rom-com I’d ever watched had told me that this was where he was supposed to put his arms around me in order to help me.

“We should discuss your skills further tomorrow night at dinner.” I didn’t remember agreeing to that. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me?” “Ask you about what?” “Dinner?” “Thank you for the invitation. As I mentioned earlier, I’d love to have dinner with you.”

You know, if you combine wine and dinner, the new word is winner.”

“I do hate when doors just leap out at you like that.”

I’d been into superheroes and comic books as a kid, and I’d always wondered what my kryptonite would be. Turned out it was men who behaved decently.

I don’t know what the British equivalent is for that because my only familiarity with your educational system is Harry Potter and I’m guessing you didn’t go to Hogwarts.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Diana, but Professor Plum called and he’d like you to get a clue.

“But if you don’t hope for anything, then no one can hurt you.” “Oh, sweetie, I understand that, but if you don’t take a risk, then there’s no joy, either.”

“Fairy tales aren’t quite all they’re cracked up to be. Getting married is like a fairy tale in reverse—you start out at a ball in a gorgeous gown and then spend all your time cleaning up after little people.

“It’s why I love reading so much,” I continued. “It was a way to escape the reality of my life. Not to mention that it’s one of the few hobbies a kid can have when there’s no electricity in the house.”