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This love left a permanent mark This love is glowing in the dark These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me . . . —Taylor Swift
“Promise you’ll be there? At the tree?” “On one condition.” “What’s that?” He holds his hands out to his sides. “That you’ll love me forever,” he whisper-yells before flashing me a grin that could light up the darkened sky.
I blow a kiss in his direction and know that I’ll always think of him like this. My moonlight boy who said he’d love me forever.
Asher. My lavender girl. I can still see her sitting beneath the willow tree with leaves tangled in her hair and fire dancing in her eyes.
“Lavender Girl, please tell me you’re not going to run away? I just want to say hi.” I hold my hands out to my sides, my confidence bolstered by my buzz. “I’m Ledger.”
Then she smiles . . . and I’m a goddamn goner.
This is where I sat and stared at the purple until it blurred when my heart was shattered into a million pieces that late summer night.
“I’m . . . I’m on my way.” “No. It’s okay . . .” But it’s not. I have to go. I have to be there for the only people who have ever been there for me.
“This isn’t over, Asher. Not by a long shot. I’m not a patient man, but I’ve waited fifteen years to kiss you again . . . what’s a few more days?”
My name on his lips. Is it possible to miss a sound?
You’re better than the memory of you ever was.
Her anger is bitter. Her desire is sweet. Both riot against my tongue as my head swims with the taste of Asher Wells.
I try and shake the fog of climax—the haze of Asher—from my head, but I have a feeling she’s always been there somehow, in some way.
Our blanket under the stars. How terrified I was, fearing I’d hurt her with it being her first time. The tears swimming in her eyes afterward as she told me she loved me. How we swore we’d find a way to be together soon.
I stare at Asher and see pieces of the girl I used to love. I also see the hurt my father caused reflected in the eyes of the woman she is now.
He has the ability to devastate me and put me back together without even knowing it.
Is it possible to revel in the pleasure instead of remembering or bracing for the pain?
Can he see I’m trying to meet him in the middle? That I’m still confused, but like him, understand there is some invisible string binding us together still? That I’m willing to risk the pain of losing him again just so I can be with him now?
I ache. From the command in his touch. From the soft scrape of his stubble. From the heat of his body as he lays me on my bed. From the way he whispers my name in the dark.
“Spread your legs for me, Ash,” he whispers in my ear before tugging on my earlobe. “Let me admire what I fucked into oblivion earlier. What I made sore.” The slide of his tongue along the curve of my shoulder. “Let me kiss it and make it all better.”
“Show me what you do,” he murmurs against my lips. “Teach me how to pleasure you, Ash. I want to know.” He takes my hand and moves it between my thighs. “Show me.”
I don’t know what happens in two months or even tomorrow, but I know seeing you again brought me right back to those summer nights I spent with you.
“You gave me spa days in your bathroom, let me sit on the counter while you made pies, and snuggled with me whenever it thundered.”
“It was in the way he looked at you. Words can fool, but eyes can’t lie.”
“Go away.” “And she’s fucking gorgeous,” he says, mimicking my tone. “She is. Full stop.” “When Ledger pulls out the full stop, you know he means business.”
“Talk to me, Ash,” he murmurs. “Tell me why you gave up your dream to move to the big city. Tell me about the boys who broke your heart. Tell me . . . everything.” “That’s a tall order.” “Perhaps. But I want to know.”
“Remember we used to do this all the time? Talk for endless hours on the phone about anything and everything? Talk until one of us fell asleep? Talk just so we knew the other one was there?” His words are like a warm blanket cocooning me. “We did, didn’t we?” “Mm-hmm. And you always fell asleep first.” “I did not.” “Yes, you did.” He laughs. “Tell me more about your meeting,” I say. And so we talk like the years have evaporated. There is an ease to our conversation. A comfort that is hard to find. And yes, I fell asleep first.
“On one condition.” I quirk an eyebrow at him, going for humor to mask my sadness. “What condition is that?” “That you promise me you’ll come back next year. That you promise me you won’t forget me.”
“You’re my lavender girl. How could I ever forget you?”
“I won’t forget you. I wouldn’t be able to even if I wanted to.”
“This is the place, right? Where we used to go and get lost in nothing but each other?”
“No. It’s important,” I murmur and press a kiss to her lips. “And I want you to know I already do look at you like that.” Another kiss. “You are Asher Wells, my lavender girl, and maker of her own destiny.” Then another one. And later when we see another shooting star, I make my own wish: for Asher’s wish to come true.
I look down at him, my moonlight boy, and know this is my favorite look on him. Eyes heavy with desire and his smile soft and a little crooked.
“A way to a woman’s heart is through her books. That’s for darn sure.”
“Does that mean you’ll be here to help me pick up the pieces when he leaves?” I ask off-the-cuff but mean every word of it. “You know I will be.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “But something in me thinks instead of breaking you apart, he’ll have made you whole again.”
