Keep It in the Family

by John Marrs

Such a violation of the rules could place me inside the room next time.

No one under this roof believes in compassion. Empathy is an alien emotion here.

And me. I remember every one of them. Because I am the bait that lures them here.

This place could be good for us, I tell myself. It could be just what we need. My positivity lasts for as long as the thought does. And then I’m back to feeling nauseous again.

‘Look, I can’t say hand on heart that this is going to work out for us. It might be a complete disaster. But we can only give it our best shot and keep our fingers crossed.’ ‘Funny, that’s what I was going to say in my wedding vows,’ she jokes.

The distance between father and son began the day he arrived in our world, and I admit I’m partly at fault for that.

For all her faults, I could never be without this woman. She came into my life at a time when I needed someone to be on my side, and she has never left. I would die for her, without hesitation. In fact, if it wasn’t for her, I would probably be dead already.

I know that I wear a different, tougher skin now to the one I was born into, but scratch beneath the surface and below I am that same, frightened child.

Even though I haven’t set foot under that roof for decades, I am forever part of its fabric. I’m the mortar that binds the bricks together, the pipes linking each tap, the wooden beams that hold up the roof. I have never truly been able to escape it. I am it and it is me.

To some, I’m a saviour, but to others, I’m a monster. I know what my work has been about, all the souls I’ve saved from torment.

As you’d expect, with total shock. It’s worse than any of us could have imagined.

I’m well practised at hiding things from her, but she’s usually pretty vocal if something’s pissing her off.

show me a mother who doesn’t want to spend time with her son and I’ll show you someone who hasn’t raised him properly.

The screen reveals it’s a message from Debbie that simply reads Be strong, followed by a heart emoji. I text back thanking her.