You might not think it, but I possess enough self-awareness to question what I do. Many a time I have wondered if I’m fooling myself into believing I do it for the victims’ sake when it’s actually for my own satisfaction. I can’t deny there’s a small, selfish element to taking a life, a physical release that is hard to explain. But it’s a by-product of what I do, not a reason. In doing one thing, I am enabling another. It’s no different to giving money to charity. By helping someone in need, I feel better about myself.
