The Cheat Sheet (The Cheat Sheet, #1)

by Sarah Adams

I don’t want Lily’s life; I mostly just want someone to love me like Doug loves her. That’s the part I’m really jealous of.

Anything less will just end up as an epic failure, because no one—not even you—wants to be in a relationship where she’s not loved as fervently as she loves.”

I used to feel like I could balance it all so well. Lately…there’s just this feeling I can’t describe that follows me everywhere I go. It’s like everything is swirling around me at all times. There’s no way to make it settle down.

“Bree, hope is healthy. Even if you prepare yourself for the worst in life, it will never make the fall hurt less. So why not let yourself really and truly want this instead?

“I know you’re happy at the studio and you’re making the most of how things turned out, but I also see something else. After the accident, you stopped letting yourself dream completely.” She pokes an old wound I didn’t know was still there. “You went to therapy, and you learned to grieve the future you planned for and that was all great and helpful, but then it’s like you learned to cope so well you completely stopped hoping for anything. You’re seriously the queen of making the most of what you have now, but I’m not sure that’s completely healthy. Not if it means never dreaming or striving for more.”

I can see that my sister is right, but I don’t know how to snap my fingers and change the way I feel. My scars remind me of that crushing disappointment I felt at seventeen and how hard it was to piece myself back together afterward. I don’t want to go through that again. So yeah, maybe I’m missing a little bit of hope, but to me, it’s a small price to pay to avoid shattering again.

Ever since Bree and I started “dating” (she doesn’t know it’s fake), my mom has been making lots of passive-aggressive comments about Bree. She can make digs about my game or nutrition or looking pudgy in a magazine spread all she wants, but I won’t put up with a single word against Bree.

“First, she’s a woman, not a girl. Second, yeah, if she would have let me, I would have stayed home for her in a heartbeat back then. I still would. Football will never be as important to me as she is, so you can either support my relationship with Bree or forfeit a relationship with me. Your call, but just know I won’t budge on this.”

never wanted to enjoy it or get used to it because it will hurt so much more when it’s just a memory.

“You’re not broken. Having a panic attack or anxiety does not reflect your wholeness. You’re burned out, and that’s completely understandable. You push yourself more than anyone I’ve ever seen before, and it’s only natural for you to reach this point.”

“Listen to me. It is not the things you do that make you worthy, it’s that you have a beating heart in your chest. You have a soul, which means you are allowed to feel hurt, tired, stressed, sad, angry. All of those things—you are allowed to feel them. Everyone is.” I gather all of my strength for my next words. “Your ability to shoulder everything, to give 200 percent of yourself all the time, to be perfect at everything you attempt…these are not the attributes that make you a valuable human being.” I pause. “And they are not why I fell in love with you.”

“So don’t say you’re not worthy or deserving, because you are to me. You always will be.”

“I love you too,” he whispers over and over again. “I love you, Bree. I love you. I always have.”

I’m so devastatingly in love with you, it hurts sometimes—and I have been since high school.” Hope, hope, hope. I hear it beating in my ears. “I’ve been dying for you to love me back—but I never thought you would. Remember when you found out I’m celibate and I told you it was to help my game? That was a complete lie. I’ve been celibate because I am so gone for you I couldn’t even stomach the thought of another woman anywhere near my bed. She would never be you.” He cradles my face. “I love you with everything I am, and that’s never going to change for me. I think I should be the one making sure you’re not just humoring me.”

“I’ve loved you since the day you tied my shoe on the track. You didn’t tell me it was untied, you just tied it.”

“Do you mean to tell me…we’ve both loved each other all this time and never said anything?”

His hand tenderly cradles my face. “I never would have felt that way. I’ve always just wanted to be the one to take care of you.”

We’re home in each other’s arms.

Bree is everything I aspire to be, everything I love, everything I desire. She holds my heart, and, with all that I am, I hope she never gives it back.

But when my eyes glide up and meet his eyes, I see only tender adoration. He wants me as I am—always and forever.

We spend hours in our own world. Our love story tangible. Our hopes bared. Our souls light. Our fears set aside for this brief moment in time where nothing can touch us. In this place—in those arms—I am safe and free. I open my arms and dance in the rain. I twirl in the current. I lie back in the meadow as dark eyes sparkle above me.