We Do What We Do in the Dark

by Michelle Hart

“Sometimes I feel so much affection for them, especially my mother, that I feel like I might cry.

She believed she had to be alone, since solitude was what made her available to the woman in the first place.

“I understand what you mean. I think that when you’re miserable, you often do things that extend that misery.

“No one is lovable at your age.”

she often wanted to be alone, but if she couldn’t be alone, then she wanted to be the center of attention, which felt like a way to exert control over her aloneness.

“Loneliness always seems so luxurious,” the woman slurred. “All the time I want to be by myself but then when I am, I desperately want someone else around.”

“I’m afraid of being alone and afraid that is the only way I know how to be.”