Fi: I don’t know what’s going on between you two. But Knox just offered me $1,000 to put you on the schedule tonight since you called in sick your last two shifts. I can either split it with you or tell him to fuck off. Your call! Me: Sorry. I can’t. I’m hosting a bonfire tonight and you’re invited. Fi: Fuck yeah! Can I bring my annoying family? Me: I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.
