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I feel… I don’t know, but I do know that nothing has ever made me feel worse. Nothing.
a tear slips through, but they quickly pop open when he leans forward and gently kisses the tear. Pulling away, he licks the droplet off his lips.
“Those tears—they’re mine now. And I’ll pull plenty more out of you if you don’t tell me what I want to know.”
“His name is Enzo. Sorry for his manners. He got bullied in school and hasn’t seen a therapist yet. We really appreciate your kindness.”
me af
I attempt to keep myself covered as much as possible as if Enzo hasn't seen me naked and spread open in ways that Jesus will surely crucify me for later.
One of them hates me, and is currently deep in the clutches of a brain demon. That's what my mom used to call nightmares when I was young, and I haven't been able to think of them any other way.
He thrashes his head to the side, imprisoned by his own mind.
Her smile drops, but she immediately forces it back into place. However, any light that was previously in her eyes has dissipated, and now I feel like the thief.
The implication is loud, and I'm happy to let her make assumptions. Truthfully, Sawyer could make me come with a single look.
Fucking humans and their greed. They've overfished so much that even three kingfish being killed damages the ecosystem.
Who needs a goddamn radio when my hatred for men could signal an alien race from an entire galaxy away?
“You’re right,” he concedes, pausing a beat before saying, “and I’d do it again. I’m the only one allowed to touch you, bella ladra, and I’m the only one who will cause you pain. Capito?”
“The bookshelf. It's a shelf that you put books on,” I clip. “Where did you get your audacity?”
Every time his skin slides against mine, a storm cloud swells, and lightning strikes somewhere around the world.
How many others have shipwrecked because he can't stop touching me?
“Dying,” I wheeze. “Need the water police. Call 911.”
“It was a nice one,” I say petulantly. “And it seem I did you a favor anyway.”
seems
“Why did you get to be God’s favorite?”
“You can ask him yourself when I take you to see him.”
“Can you see him, baby? Ask him for forgiveness.” “Why?” I pant, another high-pitched moan nearly swallowing the word. “Because you worship me now.”
“No more running, baby. I want him to come looking for you just so I can have the privilege of ending his life for touching what’s mine.”
“You were always destined to be mine,” he says.
“Because she let her sadness transform her into a miserable human being, capable of hurting others just to save herself. She wasn’t worthy of my forgiveness.”
Yesterday, I had been reading Wuthering Heights
God why is he my actual dream come true
If I’m the devil, she’s fucking Lilith.
I did die, and he’s just trying to convince me Heaven is real before he pulls back the veil and reveals a hellfire that will burn me alive.
It’s then I realize he is the hellfire.
“You’re not weak, Sawyer. You’re exceptional. And I’m sorry I ever validated that misconception.”
“Do you remember why you’re living?”
“Even as a kid, I was angry at the world, and I was always told that I’d waste my life away if I settled into that anger. Of course, I didn’t care. And until recently, I stayed firm in that way of thinking. I didn’t care about life when I felt so goddamn worthless to the one who was supposed to love me most. Then you came around and stole it from me. Yet somehow, it feels like you gave it back instead.”
“I believe our souls either move on to somewhere unknown, get stuck, or reincarnate into another body. I never believed in what they did. They hoped God would heal my wounds and guide me in life. Thought I’d eventually become a priest and tell people my story and how I overcame it. But the more I read the Bible, the more lost I became.”
Too relatable on all fronts.
“It was, which is exactly why I acted out. Everything is a sin in Catholicism. I was sexually repressed, but considering I refused to conform, I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow them to take pleasure from me, too. I attended confessions more times than I could count. I asked for forgiveness, but I never really wanted it.”
He’s out of practice, I get it. But I think I’d rather stick my finger down my throat and blow chunks for funsies at this point.
“Sup?” I squeak. I’m so bad at handling awkward situations.
“È impossibile odiarti quando mi fai sentire così vivo,” I start, slipping two fingers past her lips and hooking them over her teeth, bringing her closer.
“Ed è esattamente per questo che voglio odiarti. Prima di incontrare te ero un sonnambulo. Cazzo, non ero pronto a svegliarmi.”
“Ho sbagliato a dirti che eri debole. Sei così incredibilmente coraggiosa, vorrei che lo vedessi anche tu.”
“Ti penso ogni ora, ogni minuto, ogni dannato secondo. Non so che fare.”
“L’oceano era l’unico posto in cui mi sentivo a casa,”
“Era l’unica cosa che mi eccitava e dava pace. Hai rovinato anche questo. Sentirti su di me è meglio di immergersi nell’oceano. Neanche con questa rivelazione so che fare.”
Un giorno.
“Cazzo, quanto sei bagnata,”
“Can’t we beg together, baby?”
As if I’d ever let her fall. Not unless it's for me.
“I’m ready to repent, baby. You tell me to stop, I stop.”
“Adrenaline can be like an aphrodisiac,” I explain. “The fear, the possibility of death, makes you feel alive. That’s part of the reason why I do what I do.”
“That—that’s my limit,” she squeaks. “Then let me take you to a new limit.”
What she doesn’t realize is that I’ve always held her life in my hands, and she never knew that she was trusting me to guard it.
She’ll have less oxygen this time, but I want to fuck her while she feels like she’s dying.
“I’m going to keep you under longer, and I don’t care how much you fight me. Your pussy gets so tight when you’re on the brink of death.”
