Does It Hurt?

by H.D. Carlton

Some days I’m the ocean. Some days I’m the ship. Tonight, I’m the lighthouse: at the edge, alone, and burning.

“We’ll cross paths again, Sawyer. Life has a funny way of throwing people into your path when you’re meant to collide. It’s up to you to choose to make it permanent.”

Like the next thing out of my mouth just might be the cure for cancer. Too bad I am the fucking cancer.

“You say that like you enjoy being bitten by not-sharks.”

“Only if you promise not to touch me,” I call back. “I promise not to do anything you don’t beg me for.”

“You’re going to ruin me, too. But unfortunately for you, that’s where I feel most at home.”

“Is that the type of kiss you wanted?”

Oh, fuck. I’m dead, aren’t I? Suffered a heart attack of some sort. Surely, a man determined to make a girl come more than once doesn’t actually exist, right?

He looks at me as if I’m a masterpiece, a shrine to worship, and I can’t deny how invigorating that feels.

If this man were my kingdom, I’d sit on this throne for fucking eternity.

“My name and God’s don’t belong in the same sentence, bella,” he rasps, his voice as rough as the rock below us. “One is holy, and the other is depraved.”

My darkness was attracted to hers, and it seems I learned the hard way just how dangerous it is.

“It’s like you’re fucking begging for me to break you.”

She may be a siren, but she’s mine to hurt just as much as she’s mine to protect.

I've tried a million of them since we've been out here, and I still want to choke her. Biggest problem with that is every time I entertain that fantasy, I'm also fucking her.

There's an entire ocean before me that deserves my reverence, yet all I want to do is give it to her.

I’m the only one allowed to touch you, bella ladra, and I’m the only one who will cause you pain. Capito?”

“Can you see him, baby? Ask him for forgiveness.” “Why?” I pant, another high-pitched moan nearly swallowing the word. “Because you worship me now.”

“Don’t ever think of yourself that way. And don’t ever think that I will, too. You’re so much more than the people who have hurt you.” My face twists, not believing that for a second. “I will make you see that,” he vows. “What happened to you does not define you. It only forged a new path that will take you to a different version of yourself. But no one can force you to walk that road; only you can determine who you will be once you get there. It’s your choice who you become, Sawyer.”

“No more running, baby. I want him to come looking for you just so I can have the privilege of ending his life for touching what’s mine.”

“You were always destined to be mine,”

If I’m the devil, she’s fucking Lilith.

“I don’t see how. I’m broken, and everything I touch bleeds.”

“Choose to live, bella. Choose me.”

“That’s it, you love being a good girl for me, don’t you, baby?” he drawls. “Just like you love coming all over my cock like a desperate little slut.”

I’ve known her for barely over six weeks, and she’s already got me falling at her fucking feet.

She’s walking lightning. Both beautiful and fucking destructive.

“Because I feel so much for you, Sawyer.”

“You are good enough, Sawyer. You’re nothing like I said you were, and everything I said you weren’t. You’re strong and brave, and above all else, you’re admirable.”

“If worshiping you is what you ask, I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life on my knees,”

“Would you like me to crawl to you, bella?”

“You will need for nothing, amore mio. Ti darò tutto.”

“You are so sleeping on the floor tonight.” For her, I would.

“You’re right. You’ve brought chaos into my life.” And then, finally, he closes his hand around mine, squeezing back. “I like it, bella.”

Despite what Sawyer thinks, she’s a fighter. She’s done nothing but fight for the better half of her life.

“Because anyone who looks at what’s mine will never live to tell about it,” I rasp.

“È impossibile odiarti quando mi fai sentire così vivo,”

“Ed è esattamente per questo che voglio odiarti. Prima di incontrare te ero un sonnambulo. Cazzo, non ero pronto a svegliarmi.”

“Era l’unica cosa che mi eccitava e dava pace. Hai rovinato anche questo. Sentirti su di me è meglio di immergersi nell’oceano. Neanche con questa rivelazione so che fare.”

I want to keep her. I will keep her.

“I will never stop worshiping you.”

“I’m more than aware that you’re a capable woman, Sawyer. But that doesn’t mean I won’t take care of you.”

“You’re a goddamn siren, and I’m the fool who would gladly drown just to get a taste of you. Starve, for all I care, bella, but I will be eating tonight, and the only thing I’m hungry for is you.”

“Show me, bella,” he rasps. “Show me where you hurt so I know where to love you most.”

“There’s a place in the ocean, so deep, where not a single point of light penetrates through it. And for so long, I’ve been trapped there, unable to breathe. When I met you, you lifted me out of that darkness, and it was the first time I came up for air. You’ve become my oxygen, bella ladra, and I can no longer breathe without you.”

“You are a thief, baby. You stole my name, and now you’ve taken my heart, too. Demand anything else from me, and I’ll give it to you.”

How do I tell her that I’m only angry because I wanted to see the life drain from his eyes, too? How do I say that I would’ve loved to see her end his miserable life and then probably fuck her for it after?

“Do you know how envious I am? I only wish I had been there to reward you after. And then, I would’ve made sure you were never caught for it.”

“Enzo, I don’t expect you to save me.” “That’s because no one has ever found you worth saving.”

“We’ve known nothing but heartbreak. Maybe we can show each other something different this time, yeah?”