Does It Hurt?

by H.D. Carlton

Some days I’m the ocean. Some days I’m the ship. Tonight, I’m the lighthouse: at the edge, alone, and burning.

“We’ll cross paths again, Sawyer. Life has a funny way of throwing people into your path when you’re meant to collide. It’s up to you to choose to make it permanent.”

“You’re going to ruin me, too. But unfortunately for you, that’s where I feel most at home.”

And I hate her even more in this moment. Because the longer I stare at her, the harder it is to fucking breathe. It’s enraging that she has that control over me—that she holds so much power, she can suck the oxygen from my body like it’s hers to wield.

“Don’t ever think of yourself that way. And don’t ever think that I will, too. You’re so much more than the people who have hurt you.”

“What happened to you does not define you. It only forged a new path that will take you to a different version of yourself. But no one can force you to walk that road; only you can determine who you will be once you get there. It’s your choice who you become, Sawyer.”

“No more running, baby. I want him to come looking for you just so I can have the privilege of ending his life for touching what’s mine.”

“You were always destined to be mine,”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s dead or alive, he’ll always haunt me,” I rasp, sadness ringing from the truth. “Then I will haunt you worse.”

“You ensnare men with your beauty, spin them into your web, and then steal from them. You’re a beautiful thief.”

“Choose to live, bella. Choose me.”

She’s walking lightning. Both beautiful and fucking destructive.

“Why would you help me?”

“Because I feel so much for you, Sawyer.”

“You are good enough, Sawyer. You’re nothing like I said you were, and everything I said you weren’t. You’re strong and brave, and above all else, you’re admirable.”

“Can you, like, not make me cry right now, please? I’m trying to look like a badass.”

“Will you forgive me, bella?” I ask, my tone hushed.

“If worshiping you is what you ask, I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life on my knees,”

“You will need for nothing, amore mio. Ti darò tutto.”

Fuck, I love her.

“È impossibile odiarti quando mi fai sentire così vivo,”

“Ed è esattamente per questo che voglio odiarti. Prima di incontrare te ero un sonnambulo. Cazzo, non ero pronto a svegliarmi.”

“Ho sbagliato a dirti che eri debole. Sei così incredibilmente coraggiosa, vorrei che lo vedessi anche tu.”

“Ti penso ogni ora, ogni minuto, ogni dannato secondo. Non so che fare.”

“L’oceano era l’unico posto in cui mi sentivo a casa,”

“Era l’unica cosa che mi eccitava e dava pace. Hai rovinato anche questo. Sentirti su di me è meglio di immergersi nell’oceano. Neanche con questa rivelazione so che fare.”

will never stop worshiping you.”

“I’m more than aware that you’re a capable woman, Sawyer. But that doesn’t mean I won’t take care of you.”

it pisses me off that I want you as badly as I do,”

“Mostrami come amarti,”

“There’s a place in the ocean, so deep, where not a single point of light penetrates through it. And for so long, I’ve been trapped there, unable to breathe. When I met you, you lifted me out of that darkness, and it was the first time I came up for air. You’ve become my oxygen, bella ladra, and I can no longer breathe without you.”

“I love you, and you will love me.”

“I do. I do love you,”

She’s both fighting for him and against him.

Love is funny that way. It persists even when you’ve done everything in your power to banish it. It demands its own voice and refuses to be a slave to anyone but its own desires. And despite the power of it, those selfish desires are what make love so weak.

“Sei così dolce. Sei un angelo,”

“You’re not fucking leaving me, Sawyer. You’re not going to jail. You’re not going anywhere. You want to pay for your crimes? Good. I’m more than happy to make you pay. And if you think for one goddamn second that I’m letting you go, then I look forward to showing you just how trapped you are with me.

“The day you stole from me was the best day of my life,” he whispers against my lips. “Because then you became my life, and I don’t want it back. I won’t fucking take it.”

“I would lie for you as easily as I would kill for you. If you getting the best of me requires the world getting the worst of me, you will want for nothing in life, bella ladra.”

“Why the hell is Senile Suzy in your driveway?”

I’ll sooner pry open the jaws of a shark if it means I’ll be coming home to you.”