Does It Hurt?

by H.D. Carlton

“I can walk.” “You’ve proven you can fall, too.”

“You were knocked out cold, and I swam us here.” What… the fuck. I clench my jaw. I don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling, but whatever it is has my knees threatening to crash to the ground with reverence.

“I called you weak,” he states. “Why didn’t you correct me?” “Because I am—” “You’re not,” he interjects, voice hard and unyielding. “You’re not weak, Sawyer. You’re exceptional. And I’m sorry I ever validated that misconception.”

“T-tell me a truth,” I stutter, hoping he'll relieve me from that painful confession. “I lie to myself every day. I tell myself that I'm so fucking addicted to you because of how sweet your pussy tastes or how it cries so easily for me. But I know it's only because of you.”

We built our tower to Heaven, but God is angry again, and once more, we’re speaking different languages.

“Non ti odio, Sawyer,” he says roughly.

He’s most beautiful when he’s at his most primitive.

“Does it hurt?” he rasps,

She’s walking lightning. Both beautiful and fucking destructive.

“I know how to catch her,” I drawl,

You haven’t been able to yet.

The laugh bursts from my throat before I can even think to stop it. It causes us both to freeze, but fuck, if I’m breaking the rules tonight, I might as well break all of them. She lifts up, her fingers smoothing across my lips with wonder. “Do that again.”

When I’m within a foot of her, I drop to my knees, my blood heating when her lips part, an almost inaudible gasp slipping free. “I’m sorry, bella,” I start, keeping my voice low and serious while I look up at her,

“I’ve been punishing you for something you didn’t do—something beyond stealing an identity. I’ve been making you hurt because I’m hurt, but you’re not the one who broke me. And it was never my right to break you.”

Can she see a man falling in love with a little thief? Can she see that I don’t want to but will submit to it anyway? Just as I’m submitting to her now.

I wanted to take all her broken pieces, and fucking shatter them—turn them into dust so she could never be whole again. I realize now how foolish it was when I could take those pieces and give them a home amongst my own.

“Can you, like, not make me cry right now, please? I’m trying to look like a badass.”

“If worshiping you is what you ask, I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life on my knees,” I tell her,

“Would you like me to crawl to you, bella?” I question, gravel lining my throat. “Bow at your feet and find a home beneath you? Or would you like to climb onto my back, where I will serve you and take you to places with a point of your finger?”

“You will need for nothing, amore mio. Ti darò tutto.”

“You are so sleeping on the floor tonight.” For her, I would.

So badly, I want to show him the warmth and love that he deserved. That he deserves.

“Move,” I mutter, elbowing him as I look behind a shelf full of… beans. Lots of beans. “Look, the bean gods blessed you,” he mutters snidely.

“I can get on my knees again and show you a blessing from a different type of god,” he purrs,

Attempting to shrug it off, I say, “You got it, dude.” And then I take off toward the steps, needing air as much as I need fucking Jesus in my life.

“You're right. I have done bad things to survive, and I'm definitely not free of sin. So don't be mistaken and think you will be an exception,” I snarl.

Sylvester's expression turns thunderous, my only warning before he stands and backhands me across the face, its force sending me crashing to my ass.

Welp, he's dead. Bye, Sylvester

She wouldn’t become a meager little slave, resolute to spend the rest of her life trapped somewhere. No, she would do everything in her power to get the fuck out of there, even if it meant getting more blood on her hands. Fuck, I love her.

I zero in on her swollen eye and bleeding lip. My blood turns glacial.

Morirà lentamente. I will claim self-defense when the authorities get here. He put his hands on my girl, and I sure as fuck will no longer allow him the gift of breath.

“Don’t worry, baby,” I breathe, the ice in my body chilling my words. “I’m going to end him. And I will let you watch.”

“What are you thinking?” she asks in a whisper. “He wants what I have.” When she stays silent, I drop my gaze to her. “You, bella. He doesn’t like the thought of me having you,” I say, my voice so deep, I no longer recognize it myself. “Imagine how he would feel if he was made to watch.”

“Because anyone who looks at what’s mine will never live to tell about it,” I rasp. “Is that what I am?” she croaks. “Yours?” “You always have been,” I murmur.

“Tu sei mia,” I growl,

“È impossibile odiarti quando mi fai sentire così vivo,”

“Ed è esattamente per questo che voglio odiarti. Prima di incontrare te ero un sonnambulo. Cazzo, non ero pronto a svegliarmi.”

“Ho sbagliato a dirti che eri debole. Sei così incredibilmente coraggiosa, vorrei che lo vedessi anche tu.”

“Ti penso ogni ora, ogni minuto, ogni dannato secondo. Non so che fare.”

“L’oceano era l’unico posto in cui mi sentivo a casa,”

“Era l’unica cosa che mi eccitava e dava pace. Hai rovinato anche questo. Sentirti su di me è meglio di immergersi nell’oceano. Neanche con questa rivelazione so che fare.”

“Cazzo, quanto sei bagnata,”

“Shhh, I’m not going to hurt you, amore mio. I’m going to replace that memory with something good,”

If Sawyer and I do have a one day, then I will make sure she never looks at me like this again.

“Now’s your time for revenge, bella ladra. I’ve drowned you once. It’s your turn to drown me.”

Oh my sweet god

“Brava ragazza. You’re doing so fucking good,” I praise, rolling my hips into her. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Relax, bella. I won’t let you drown. I want to show you how good it feels to live.”

More words slip out, trading between Italian and English. I’ve no idea what I’m saying, solely that it’s the only prayer I’ve ever believed in.

“This is mine,” I proclaim. Then, I repeat it in Italian. “Questa è mia.”

As if hearing me and solidifying it, she licks the salty water off her lip before whispering, “I forgive you now.”

“Ma solo quando sono pronto a venire con te. Annegheremo insieme, bella ladra.”